


Pain, Misery, Loss, Life

by DprLvr



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Complete, Diaper Sex, Diapers, Gay, Loss, Love, M/B, M/M, Oral Sex, diaper love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:41:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29779059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DprLvr/pseuds/DprLvr
Summary: A man and a boy meet in grief counseling because of great loss of love in their lives, find that they have much in common and learn to love each other once again.  Warning, this story is intended to make you cry, and I hope it does, for if it does, I have done my job correctly.  Yes, this story deals with death, something that we must all face, it's truly horrible, but we can survive, as this story shows.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Pain, Misery, Loss, Life

Pain, Misery, Loss, Life

****Warning, this story deals with great suffering, but in turn great love as well. I hope that this makes you cry as much as it did for me. This story was inspired by a picture that I saw, a young boy having been gunned down in the streets, and then the following nightmare that ensued from it. It is truly sad that far too many children have to suffer such things in this world, but suffer they most certainly do. This story also involves gay man/boy diaper use and sex, minor piss play, and revenge, if none of this sounds like your cup of tea, then I strongly suggest you leave now. I also very clearly let known my views about god and church, if you are religious, then maybe you should skip this story, because you will likely hate me. If, however, you stay on and read it, I would love to hear from you. Email me at erich5748 at ymail.com. Please remember that this site is funded by readers just like you, donating to the cause. Please keep this amazing service free, we writers truly appreciate it. Thank you, and even though you may cry, and I hope you do, I do hope that you enjoy as well.”

I have just been released from the hospital, I was there for two months, but I only know of the past two weeks. I slipped into a coma after the worst day of my life, and with injuries that I damn near did not survive. The hospital psychiatrist has tried to help, but he mandated that I see another psychiatrist, as well as to join group grief counseling to get over my loss. Telling my story has not gotten easier, in fact, I think it gets harder every time I tell it, and you would not think it to look at me, but I cry like a baby when I do.

I am about two hundred centimeters tall, almost a hundred and fifty kilograms heavy, and damn near pure muscle. I am big, burly, and about as bear like as can be, except, I am not. Teddy bear, maybe, yet, when people see me, they automatically think I ride the biggest Harley around, and probably enforce for the local gangs. Everyone who has ever met me is also shocked that I have no tattoos at all, they all think I should be all tatted up looking like I do. That is not who I am, I have never hurt another in my entire life. 

I do not want to go to the group session, but it starts in only ten minutes, and so, I walk in, follow the signs, and find myself in a room with a hell of a lot more people than I had been anticipating. There had to be about twenty others already there. I damn near puked and ran out, but I am not being given a choice, my shrink says he will remand me to a psychiatric hospital if I do not go. 

“And you must be Kent.” A lady in about her mid forties said.

“Yes, you must be Shirley.”

“Yes. Please, have a seat, you're the last here, we were waiting for you. Now, the first time's always the hardest, and though I'm certain that you'd rather not do so, I'd really like for you to tell everyone what happened to you. I've already been told the basics, but not everything. I find it really is better to get it out in the open as soon as possible, so that the healing process can begin. And yes, I know exactly what you're about to say, how can one heal after such a tragedy. You can, or you die, and I too was once in your shoes, not quite as bad, but certainly far worse than I ever feared I could live through.”

“Do I haveta?” I whispered hoarsely.

“You don't haveta, but it will help, I promise. Everyone here is here for the same basic reason, we've all lost someone close to us, and it was tragic for us. Even twelve year old Elias, he's told us his story, but he's been here for a couple weeks already, and he'll be the first after you to tell you his, because his is the next worst here at this time, other than mine.”

“Fine.” I sighed deeply. 

I really do not want to go to another hospital, I really have no desire to ever be in another hospital ever, but, most certainly, not a psychiatric one, and so, I steel up my nerves and do what I know I need to do. I am not entirely convinced that I can heal, not after what happened, but, here I am, about to relive the worst day in my life. Again.

“Well, I'm Kent, as you already heard, and I held my son in my arms as he died.” I said, and already the tears are starting to flow.

“We were walking downtown, it was pretty crowded, I heard the squeal of tires, the rat tat tat of what sounded like firecrackers, I looked to the sound, and saw the gun, saw the shooter, and then looked to my son to make sure he was okay. I never even felt anything on myself, I just saw the blood, and I picked my baby up and cradled him in my arms. He was seven years old.

“He asked me what was wrong, he saw where I was looking, saw the blood, said, Daddy, I'm scared. I told him he had nothing to be scared of, that I'd get him help. He said, Daddy, you're bleeding too, I said, I don't give a damn about me, just look at Daddy, keep talking to Daddy. He gave a light shudder, and said, Daddy, I love you. Those were his last words.

“I saw the light in his beautiful hazle eyes go out, I crashed to the ground, still cradling my baby, whispering to him not to leave me, that I love him so much. I passed out shortly after that, I was bleeding out too. I was hit three times, one to the chest, and two to the stomach. The chest one pierced my lung, the other two did damage in my stomach, but the shot that hurt me the most, the one I felt the most, was the one straight to my baby's heart. He died in seconds, I don't think he felt any pain, I hope he didn't, he went so fast.

“When I woke up in the hospital a couple weeks back now, there was a psychiatrist there waiting for me, and he told me, but I already knew. Even if there had've been a doctor there, the shot was clean, he died too fast, I knew there were no miracles for me. I have never believed in god, and I believe less so now. He told me how I'd nearly died, and that the previous one and a half months since we were shot, that they'd had to do a lot of work on me, that officially I had died three times. I asked why they didn't just let me go, so that I could be with my baby. I yelled at him, berated all of them, I screamed, I cried, oh god I cried.

“Several days later, they took me to see his body, so that I could say goodbye, and to find my wishes for him. They kept him for me, so that I could say goodbye. He looked so beautiful laying there, I collapsed, held him, cried for him, told him how much I miss him, how much I love him. It took me two hours, but they gave me all the time that I needed, they were really kind to me that way, no one made me feel rushed or that I should be ashamed to be crying and carrying on so much. Here, the big burly bear of a man, crying like a baby.

“I finally had them cremate him for me, his ashes are at home, I just haven't felt right letting him go yet. I can't, not sure I'll ever be ready for that. Of course, the police came and asked me some questions, asked if I remembered anything, and like I said, it happened so fast, I just don't know. I told them what I knew, but that it really isn't much. I asked if they've caught the rat bastard yet, and he said no, there were no leads whatsoever.

“I also asked if there were others that were hurt, how many did the bastard kill. He said there was only one other death, but three more innocent bystanders had been injured as well. Of course, he took one look at me and assumed, like most do, that I was probably in a gang, and that I had been the target, but I assured him that I most certainly am not. I asked who else was killed, and was told that the other was a known gang member, and that it appeared to be targeted, we just got in the way. He did admit that they did look into the possibility of me being in a gang, since I was hit three times, which usually is aiming, but that they could find nothing anywhere on me, that I am as clean as can be. I told him that I would never be in such a thing as a gang, and that the only good gang member is a dead one.

“On top of losing my son, and very nearly dying myself, one of the bullets severed a nerve bundle in my stomach, the one controlling my bladder to be specific, although there's more to it than that, but that's the only one that really affects anything now. They've done four operations to try and repair it, I've had two new bladders put in, because mine died, for lack of a better term, the bullet went through it before taking out the nerves, but my body keeps rejecting them, and they damn near killed me once then too, and I now have a fake one in me, but the valve that's supposed to allow me to control things has failed. They say I need to heal more before they can go back in again, they did this last one just over a week ago, but I've told them that I'm not going through that any more. I'm never going back to the hospital again if I can help it.

“So, yeah, pain, misery, loss, anger, resentment, hatred, fear, those are all the words that currently describe me. I truly hope that there are none that can claim to hurt as much as I do right now. Not sure how one person can survive with this much pain inside them.”

I had been looking down the entire time, bawling my eyes out as I told my tale, and when I looked up, I saw tears flowing down every face, including Shirley's.

“Oh Kent, there are simply no words available to describe my sorrow for you. What you went through, that was pure tragedy. No parent should have to bury a child, ever, but like that, no, it's no wonder you use those words to describe yourself right now. No, even I don't understand your pain, I hope none here do, though we all share some of that pain. Death is never easy to deal with as it is, but in life, we must all deal with that loss. Your sons death was senseless, it was not an accident, he did not get sick, he was murdered, and needlessly at that, but, you are still here, and it is for your son that you should stay here.

“You say the doctors should have just let you die as well, no, they did the right thing. There was no point in allowing two people to die, one was already far too much in this case, and though you don't feel it yet, and may not for months to come, it is right for you to live, and for you to live for your son. There is still so much good that you can do. You can live without him, though he will never truly be gone. Some day maybe, hopefully, you will get to see your baby again, but not too soon. Who's to say what comes after this, you don't believe in god, and so maybe don't believe that there's a heaven, but I personally think that all we can do is hope that there is something after this, and that we do get to see our loved ones again.”

“I wish I could say thanks, but, right now, I just can't.”

“I understand, truly I do.”

“If I may.” A lady sitting seven seats to my right piped up.

“Go ahead Agatha.”

“I'm sorry for your loss Dear, but you need to find god, only he can save you.” She said in a sickly sweet voice.

Well, my blood began to boil.

“I'm sorry, only he can save me?”

“That's right Dear, God is powerful, all knowing, and kind, look to god, and he will make you feel all right.”

“This god of yours, you say he's kind?”

“Yes.”

“And all knowing?”

“Yes.”

“So, by that logic, he knew that my son was going to die, and he allowed it to happen?”

“God works in mysterious ways Dear, we don't always see or understand his plans, but it clearly happened for a reason.”

“So, if I were to jump out of my chair right here and now, and beat the living snot out of you, and kill you for uttering such trash, that too would be part of your gods plan?” I snarled, and the look of fear that crossed her face was actually a little satisfying.

“Now Dear, there's no need for that?” She squeaked.

“But it would clearly be part of his plan, wouldn't it? No, if, and I use if quite largely here, there is a god, he or she will have a lot to answer to from me. If he or she truly is there, and he or she truly is all knowing and powerful, then he or she has an enemy of me, and had better send me straight to hell, because I will kill him or her, if it's the last thing I do. If, however, all you piece of shit bible thumping idiots are horribly wrong about your god, which I think you are, and he or she is there, and has no control over people, which I also believe, then, maybe, and only just maybe, I will not kill him or her. I don't like religion, I think that ninety percent of what's wrong with this world today could be resolved by abolishing religion, so, don't you dare tell me to find god, that he can save me, because he can't. It's us, down here on planet earth that have to save ourselves, it's us that are messed up, people are no better than rabid pack animals when it really comes down to it. Oh, we're so civilized, we have electronics, we vote, bullshit. We're still just animals, and no god controls animals.”

The look on her face was one of pure disgust. I had just taken her god and stomped him down, and she did not like me much for it.

“Well, I choose to believe.”

“Yes, well, I choose to believe that you are an idiot, and please never speak to me again.”

Well, several people clapped, and Agatha got up and left. I am guessing that most of the others do not care for her views either.

“Thank you.” Shirley said to me.

“For what?”

“With any luck, she won't be back. I've asked her not to do that to people, that it's mean and insensitive, that if they wish to search out a god themselves, then so be it, but that it is not her place to cram it down anyone's throats. The only reason I allowed her to speak, is because we have a policy that says that we never prevent anyone from speaking.”

“I wouldn't have, you know, beat her up. I've never actually hit another in anger in my entire life. I almost did to her though.”

“I know, you're surprisingly gentle, but I saw the pure rage on your face when she said that.”

“Yeah, everyone who saw me with my son was shocked, just how gentle I was with him. He was so small, so fragile, if I wasn't so careful with him, I could've really hurt him. If it weren't for the fact that I actually had him DNA tested to ensure he was mine, like his mother said he was, then I wouldn't have believed it with how tiny he was. I was always the biggest kid, never fat though, I did weight lifting and martial arts, and in my competitions almost everyone looked at me and paled, thinking they had to go up against me. He was one hundred percent my son though, though I certainly didn't believe his mother at first, but I took him and raised him.

“We worked out every day together. He could barely do a pushup, couldn't do a chin up to save his life, his poor little arms just weren't strong enough. He loved it when I'd do bench presses using him as my weight, of course, I always tickled him when I did it. He'd try to pretend to bench press me as I did my pushups, but he could never prevent me from lowering, but it was good for him, and I always kissed his cute little freckled button nose every time I went down. He was small, weak, and oh so adorable, and I would've happily given up my everything to protect him. The one time I could have, should have, I couldn't. I know, it's not my fault, it happened so fast, there's nothing I could've done to prevent it, but it was my job to protect him. 

“I've always been a protector though, I was the biggest kid in my school, but no one was bullied when I was near, and they all knew that to do so would be bad. I never hit them though, even when they tried to hit me, I'd just grab their hand, twist it, turn them, and then sit on their back and wait for a teacher to come. I never got in trouble, because I never did anything more than restrain someone, and all the little kids loved me for it. They never had to fear anyone, because I was there for them.”

“You really are a gentle giant, aren't you.”

“I try. I'm big, I'm powerful, I've won weight lifting and martial arts competitions since I was twelve, but that comes easily to me, but so does being nice. I have never hated another in my life, 'til the day my son was killed. I know that the police will never tell me the guys name, even if they do find him, but he, I hate with my entire being. He, out of anyone, I would kill if I had the chance to do so. I would gladly give up my goodness to remove that piece of trash from the planet.”

“I understand your rage in this matter, but, please, let that rage go, it's not good for you. All it'll do is eat you up.”

“Rage, pain, suffering, misery, loss, those are the only things holding me together right now.”

“Now you need to learn acceptance for what is, for what cannot be changed, learn to open your heart again, be the good person you are again. It'll take time, but together, we can help. Now, I'd like to have Elias tell you his story.”

I looked over to my left to find the only child in our midst. I was told he was twelve, I would not believe that had my son not been seven, but looked five, at the oldest. I would have guessed that Elias was only about ten, maybe eleven, and he too is small. Just like the kids I used to protect, he would not be able to protect himself. He has beautiful soft features that girls try hard to create, long fine blonde hair down just past his shoulders, his eyes are a very intense green colour, and his lips are cherry red. Just like the hot twinks I liked to fuck, just way younger than I would take.

“I'm not gonna say sorry Kent, sorry sounded so fake to me after my dad died, it didn't help any, it didn't fix it, it didn't make it any better. What I would like to do, though, before we start, is come give you a hug. That's all I wanted and needed, and I never got it. I think it's what you want and need as well.”

He never let me answer, he just got up, and came and gave me a hug. Well, I admit, I burst into tears within seconds, and I hugged the little man to me and held him like I could never hold my baby again. I have no idea how long we hugged for, but it was several minutes. Finally we let go, and Elias went back to his seat, and he too had tears in his eyes.

“That was a very nice thing you did Elias.” Shirley said.

“I needed it as much.” He smiled sadly.

“Thanks, I did need that.” I admitted.

“So, I guess it's my turn now. So, here goes.” Elias said. “I'd waken up early, as I usually do, and was just sitting, watching TV quietly, so's not to wake my dad. It was Saturday morning, and he'd had a really long hard week at work, he had been really tired the night before, and had actually had to go buy Tylenol, because he had a headache, which he said he'd never really had before. I was trying to be extra quiet, to allow him the time to get a really good sleep. It was almost eight, when I heard him call me. As soon as I saw him, I knew something was wrong. He was whiter than his sheets, he was sweating like crazy, but it was cold in his room, and he was saying that it felt like his head was being split open. He asked me to go and get the Tylenol, and I did, I grabbed him a glass of water, and helped him to take it, but within seconds, he puked. There was lotsa blood in it, I knew something bad was happening, so I called 911 right away and told them what was happening.

“I knew he was dying, he was crying, saying it hurt so much, but, then he stopped, he looked at me, and said I'm sorry Baby, I love you so much, but.... And I watched him die. I saw his last breath, his eyes went dull, and I hugged him, cried for him, begged him not to leave me alone, that I just couldn't do it. The ambulance got there, they tried, but it was too late, there was nothing that they could do.

“They did an autopsy to find out what happened, told me that something burst inside his head, and that he really had needed to get to the hospital the night before to have been saved, but that there was nothing that we could have done differently. I don't have a mother, she gave me to my dad days after I was born, saying that she couldn't do it. They still contacted her anyway, even though I said I wanted nothing to do with her, but my stupid social worker said I was just distraught and that I couldn't really mean that I never wanted to see that useless bitch ever.

“Well, he found out, because she yelled at him, asked him what on earth made him think that she'd want me. Yeah, a real prize. And, so, I was shipped to a foster home, and two days later, to another, and then three days later to yet another. The foster families stopped accepting me altogether, and so, I'm in a group home now. I'm too much work, I'm too weird, and no, I won't say why, no one here knows, and that's the way it hasta stay.” Elias said, only a few tears streaking down.

I wanted to go pick Elias up and cradle him to me and give him the hugs that he so desperately needed, and truth be told, so do I. He just wiped the tears from his eyes and waved for Shirley to continue, and so, she had one of the others tell his story. I admit, I hardly paid attention, I was too preoccupied with wondering about Elias. He is a little cutie, but it had bothered me how he had been kicked out of so many foster homes because of being too much work and being weird. I wondered about that the entire time we had left to us, hardly paying attention to any of the other stories that were told.

Of course I listened and appeared to be paying attention, but I really was not, I was paying more attention to Elias than anything. I can see the tension in him, see the deep depression in him. Whether from his dad dying or being told that he is too much work and or too weird to be in a family situation, I do not know. I assume it is a combination, but heavy to the too much work and too weird. No child should hear those words, I know, I heard them myself, only, not from my dad, mostly from other kids. 

The other kids at school used to try and tease me, saying I was weird, because I would never hurt anyone, that I always stood up for others. Of course, I knew that they were only jealous of me, and as such, I never let them get to me. I would just happily look at them and tell them that they were being bullies, and that I do not care what they think of me. Everyone knew that I could beat the snot out of them if I wanted to. 

Mind you, once in high school, I actually had kids attack me outside of school too, to try and get me to fight them. One kid sucker punched me right in the nose. We were standing right beside a large fence, and I punched it, put a hole clear through it, and told him that I had not hit that fence near as hard as I had wanted to hit him, and asked him if he thought he could survive that. I admit, seeing his face go pale at that was quite satisfying. My dad had always told me that I have a gift, that I am incredibly strong and powerful, but that gift comes at a price. If I lose my temper, and hit someone, I can and will kill them, and that I am far too good to do such a horrible thing, and that I would never be the same after.

I still miss my dad, he died the year after my son was born. It had been a bit hard on me, but, like he had told me, he was getting old, and that his time was nearing. He had conceived me well into his forties, and my mother, much like my sons, was only used to get a baby. Neither of us has mothers, only birth devices, which was fine. It sounds as if the same is very much true for Elias.

For the next two weeks, I went to the group meetings, twice per week, as well as my three times a week to my own psychiatrist, and, I suppose it is helping. When Shirley had asked today if I am still being powered solely by my rage, I admitted that it is easing somewhat, but that my anger toward the monster who took my son away is still every bit as powerful. She nodded in understanding, saying nothing more about that, and from hearing her story, I would guess that she had taken a lot longer to get rid of that as well. Well, I will never get rid of it until that monster dies. He will die, has to die, and preferably by my hands.

Just as we were all leaving the meeting location, Elias came up to me.

“Hold up a moment please Kent.” Elias whispered to me, and then waited while everyone filed past.

“What can I do for you Elias.” I asked as he steered me into a small room off the meeting room, and then closed the door, I am assuming for complete privacy. I am not blind to what he wants.

“First, I've only been hugged once since my dad died, you, and I miss it. I think you do too. I think you loved your son every bit as my dad loved me, and he loved to show it by just holding me, cuddling me, hugging me. I think you miss it just as much.”

“You're right.” I said.

I know what Elias wants and needs, but I am letting him take the initiative, I will not offer anything.

“Yeah. Would you hug me please?”

I knelt down, and opened my arms, and Elias melted right into me. Once more, I could hear him crying after only a few seconds, and I admit that so am I. I am gently rubbing Elias' back, when I decided to just pick him up and hug him like I always did for my son, because I am so tall, bending down like that to hug such a small boy is hard on my back. I scooped up Elias, holding him under his bum, and hugged him.

And I think I felt one of the things that either makes him too much work or weird, because he is definitely wearing a soggy diaper underneath his pants. He has to know that I can feel it, maybe he wanted me to. My son never minded my cradling his cute little soggy baby diapered bum. He had needed to wear diapers to bed every night, and would unashamedly wear them both before bed, and in the mornings after waking up, and I still happily diapered him and changed him, and yes, I kept him in thick tape on diapers, not only did they work better for him, but he looked so much cuter in them too.

We had to have hugged like that for five minutes, before Elias whispered into my ear.

“You know that I'm diapered, don't you, and yet you haven't put me down and told me I'm a freak.”

“Of course not. After our first time here, the way you looked at me after I told of my bladder problems, and I saw you checking, you already assume that so am I, don't you.”

“Yeah. Do you hate that you haveta wear diapers?”

“No, not at all really, how about you, and why do you?”

“No, I don't hate them, in fact, I think I'd keep wearing them even if I somehow started feeling the need to pee properly. I can feel it, sometimes, but, most of the time, I don't really feel the need to pee. There's something wrong with the nerves controlling my bladder, they tried to fix it when I was four, but they actually made it worse. I've never been back, and I never will either.”

“Yeah, as you heard, I'm not going back either. I'd rather stay wearing diapers than to go back under the knife again.”

“Same. I like this, by the way, you cuddle really nicely.”

“Thanks, so do you. I never felt that I could hug another, but you make it easier.”

“Thanks. I don't haveta be back to my group home 'til eleven, it's only seven now, could I go somewhere with you?”

“I haven't had dinner yet, granted, I didn't eat lunch, and barely had any breakfast, so I probably should go and eat something, wanna come to a restaurant with me.”

“That sounds nice, I almost never get enough food at the group home. I'm the youngest and smallest there, the others all bully me, and so, I almost never get enough to eat.”

“Sorry to hear that buddy, no one should haveta live like that. So, diapers, are they the reason you're too much work or too weird?”

“Both, and neither. The foster families refused to get me diapers, said I didn't need them, even though I have doctors reports saying that I most certainly do. They didn't wanna pay for them, you see. I also have wicked nightmares, but only since my dad died, I'd never had one before when I felt safe and loved, and so, I wake up screaming in the night, so that's too much work too.”

“That doesn't fully explain your weirdness though. I think I know the reason, and I think you know that you and I are alike in that way as well already, don't you.”

“Yeah, I think I felt it the first time you came to group. I'm gay. No one wants me around their boys, they think I'd corrupt them or something. Yeah, right, not one of them was my type.”

“But I am, aren't I. Yes, your looks didn't go unnoticed.”

“Sorry, you're just so hot.”

“You're incredibly cute yourself. Fuck, here I am, a huge hairy bear of a man, and you have any idea how many young boys have thrown themselves at me. Granted, most of them have at least been legal, though there were a few that I'm pretty sure weren't, but they had identification saying they were, and they wanted it, and they were hot, so I gave it all to them. You're not quite as innocent as a twelve year old's supposed to be, are you?”

“No, haven't been since I was eight.”

“Babysitter, older friend, or did you get your dad like I think you did?”

“Actually, all of them. I got my babysitter first, basically had him train me to take my dads much larger dick, and then one night, I made him an offer he couldn't refuse, and I had him. I was just barely nine. You and your son played too, didn't you?”

“Yes, but I never entered him, he was too small, I am much too large, and it only just barely started. I'd known that he'd been spying on me when I had friends over for the night, I caught him first when he was five, and every time after that, I purposely left my door open a crack, and sure enough, he was almost always there. It wasn't 'til about five months before he was killed that I woke one night to a good dream, to an even better one, he was sucking me. I unloaded my entire load in his mouth, and he sighed deeply.”

“Yeah, he was still so young. Lucky baby boy though, getting to watch you take all those hot young boys.”

“Yeah, and there were a lot.” I laughed. 

To say that I am a slut would be an understatement, but I have had nothing since the day I was shot.

“Would you take me home and fuck me like I need, deserve?”

“As much as the offer does sound tempting, sadly, no, and there are several reasons.”

“Yeah, and I probably already know all of them too. I'd never tell though.”

“I know, but they still have ways of knowing. That isn't actually all that high up on the list of reasons though. I've never really cared much, one way or the other, for what the rules are. As long as the boy wants it, the boy asks for it, then I really have no problems giving it to him. My son, for example. I should've said no, I could have said no more, but I did love him in that way, and I wanted him fully. No, there are more reasons, and more important ones at that.”

“What?”

“I don't know how much longer I'll be alive for. I'm not coping well, I'm getting better, but, most days I don't eat, I haven't even thought of going back to work, I don't do any of my workouts any more, nothing. It's so hard getting up every morning, and, I think, the only reason I can't do it, is because every time I even think about it, I see my baby's face, and see him telling me not to do it. Then there's the fact, that even if I don't die, I will be going to jail soon.”

“You've somehow found your sons killer, haven't you?”

“Yes. I lied to the police, said I had no idea what he looked like, but I do. His face is permanently burned into my vision, it's his face I see when I close my eyes. I intend to end his pitiful life, and when the police come, I doubt I can lie, not sure I should.”

“What if I asked you to not go through with it.”

“Would you listen if our roles were reversed?”

“No. I like you, I really wanna be with you though.”

“I know, but, since my baby died, I haven't even gotten hard once, I haven't thought of sex even once. Even hearing what you want and need hasn't made me the slightest bit hard. Like I said, the only thing powering me still is my rage. I like you, truly I do, and you're certainly the type I like, I could easily fall in love with you, but I can't, not yet, maybe never. I know it's not what you wanna hear, but you haveta hear it. My heart died the day my baby's was blown outta his chest. That bastard killed more than two people that day, he truly did kill me, and in turn himself.”

“What if I called the cops on you, made them stop you.”

“I'd lose all respect I have for you. You're an incredibly beautiful and smart young man, but you haveta know how I feel. You've heard my story, I've told you my feelings in great detail, and no one could possibly stop me, not now, not ever. Even if the police get him first, I will be the one to kill him. I promise you that.”

“Then, I wanna know exactly when you plan to do it, I wanna be staying the night at your place, I'll be your alibi.”

“No Elias, I can't have you be part of it. That'd make you an accessory to murder, you'd be in jail just as fast as me. I'll never tell you.”

“I don't really care, to tell you the truth, what have I got to live for. You say rage is all that powers you right now, well, anger is all that's powering me too. I'm so mad at the foster parents system, at my social worker, everyone, they don't give a fuck about me, all I am to them is more money. My feelings, what I want and need, they mean nothing to anyone. I knew you were gay, I knew you wore diapers, I really hoped and prayed that somehow we could find a way to live together, because at least we understand each other.”

“I know what you want, I've known it all along, I saw it even from the first day here, but it really is something I'm just not capable of giving to you right now. Maybe never.”

“Figures. My dad always told me I wore my emotions too close to the surface, that anyone who's perceptive can read them. I didn't think you'd see that, since anger and depression are really the only things I've felt lately.”

“I did, I felt the spark of hope kindle in you the second you hugged me.”

“No, that was my dick jumping hard.” He giggled.

“That I don't doubt in the least.” I said flatly. “Well, if you'd still like to go to dinner, let's go. If you'd rather just end this right now, so that you don't get hurt when I'm gone, then it really would be best for you. Your poor little heart might not be able to take that again, especially not so soon. I know mine wouldn't.”

“I probably should, because I think you're probably right, but I don't wanna, I wanna believe that I still have some hope left. Hope is all I truly have left, everything else was taken from me.”

“I wish I had some hope left, I wish I had some love left. Maybe after I take care of something, I can again, but I'm sure I'll just be in jail, so there'll be no hope there anyway. I doubt I'll last more than a few weeks there.”

Elias said nothing further, just opened the door and led the way out of the building. I took him to my car, and we headed out. I found a half way decent restaurant and we went in. We placed our orders, and then sat there in silence for several minutes. I know that Elias has a lot to work out, I had pretty much told him that I would both love to and never have sex with him, and I know that that crushed him a bit. I am letting him make the first move, though. Finally he did.

“So, tell me, how'd you have a baby, I think you and I are in agreement on women?”

“During an orgy, we agreed to try it out, and even though I was wearing a condom, the damn thing broke. She wasn't on birth control, because, well, she was pure lesbian, so why bother, right, but, she admitted that if she ever had sex with a man, that I was the type that she'd like to try. I had to admit, that if I was gonna do a woman, she'd be my type as well. So, yeah, we tried, it broke, and she ended up pregnant. She found me just days after my baby was born, said she wasn't cut out to be a mom, and asked if I wanted the baby. At first, I was reluctant, I'd never even fathomed having a child, I was a partier, a slut, I'd do any male, at any time, and as often as I could, as many as I could too. Hell, I had a full fledged play room in my house. I took kinky to whole new levels. Until he came along.

“Of course, I didn't stop fully either, but I sure did tone it down a lot. If I wanted to party, I went out, and got a babysitter for him. I did bring a few hot guys over to play from time to time still, just not near as many.”

“Oh. That made me super hard.” He giggled.

“Yeah, still nothing for me. Still soft as can be.” I said sadly.

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. I don't really wanna talk about that sorta thing any more. So, how'd you come to be then?”

“My dad never really truly told me, but I think I know. I know he was fully gay, and I think my mother raped him. He never wanted to see her, he never wanted to talk to her, and then the reaction of her when he died and the social worker asked if she'd take me. No, I'm pretty sure that I was just a horrible mistake to her, she wanted to try and turn a gay guy, and I was what happened, and I disgust her.”

“Oh, wow. That sucks.”

“Not really, I don't have a mom, I never did, and I never will. I asked my dad who my mother was once, I think I was about seven or eight, but it was before we started, and he said that she was someone that he never cared to think about ever again. I never asked again. The look on his face when he said that was a real mix of pain, anger, sadness, fear, and mostly disgust. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure he wasn't an active partner. He wasn't very big, like me, so if she was bigger than he was, she was probably easily able to overpower him.”

“That's truly sick.”

“Yeah.”

Just then our meals were delivered, and we ate in near silence, not really talking all that much. I do finally feel full now though. I just ate probably the same amount of food as I have eaten in almost the entire past week combined. I know I have already lost twenty kilos since the shooting, and I did not really have it to lose in the first place. Granted, I know full well that I have dropped almost all of it in muscle mass.

“So, where do you live?” Elias asked.

“Downtown, in the not so nice areas, which is why we were near gang problems. My grandpa bought the house from the city, god, almost fifty years ago now, I think he paid like a thousand bucks for the entire place, and it actually has a yard, which is next to unheard of in downtown. It was abandoned for years before he bought it, and he put a lot of work into trying to restore it. When he died, he left it to me, I was seventeen at the time, and my dad said he didn't want it anyway. So, yeah, I have a house that developers have nearly begged me to sell to them, but they don't actually wanna really pay me, and certainly nothing close to what it's worth, so I just keep telling them to fuck off. Property values are through the roof right now, though, and I know that they both want and need my property, so I might just be inclined to sell it soon. How about you?”

“I'm in a run down old apartment that the government turned into a group home for unwanted foster kids. Sadly, there's more of us there than the place is actually designed to hold I think. There's three of us in every room, so yeah, I get teased mercilessly. It wouldn't be so bad if the others in my dorm were hot, and were fucking me nightly, but they're not, though, if they find out I'm gay for sure, they'll probably fuck me anyway. I'm sure everyone there assumes I am, but none have ever said it out loud. It's actually downtown as well. It's a pretty long walk from here, but, whatever.”

“You don't take a bus or anything?”

“Yeah, that's a joke. They'd haveta pay for a bus ticket then, and they pay for nothing. I haveta go to the medical store myself to get my diapers, they won't, and only because I got a card saying that they were to be charged to the ministry of children do I get them at all. Otherwise we get fed two meals a day, we get a few clothes here and there, and not much more than that.”

“Fuck, you may as well be in jail, hell, there you'd probably be treated more humanely.”

“No shit, hence the reason I wanted to find a way to stay with you.”

“I know, and I'm sorry, I just can't.”

“I know, but I wish you would.”

“I know. I'm gonna drive you back though, and I'll pick you up and drop you off for all the next meetings that I at least go to.”

“Thanks, I'd at least appreciate that.”

We headed out, and as it turned out, Elias' group home was only two blocks from my place, I showed him which one was mine, totally without thinking, and drove him home. I then headed home, got changed, because I am very wet, and then got dressed again, this time in clothing that would hide me well. I have been scoping out the scumbags house for a few days now, making sure that when I make my move, that I will be able to carry through.

The next several nights, I did the same, and every evening after group therapy, I took Elias out for dinner, and then drove him home. We have talked a lot, but no more about what I know he wants and needs, but that I am unable to give to him.

It is Wednesday night, almost exactly two months after I was released from the hospital, that I decided that the time was right. I walked all the way to the house that I knew all too well now, I am blended right into the shadows as much as possible, and with it being two am, and almost no one being out, I was not seen at all that I am aware of. I am wearing very dark clothes, and gloves.

The lights are still on, I know that the piece of shit stays up until three every morning, so he is still up, and I am not shocked that he answers the door when I knock. He opened the door, saw my face, said oh fuck, and tried to back pedal and slam the door on me.

I held the door, and then stomped hard on his left ankle as he tried to get away. I heard the bones in his ankle snapping, as I broke at least half of them. He tried to scream, but I was too fast, I covered his mouth, closed the door with my foot, and then let the piece of shit go.

“You know exactly who I am and what I'm here for, don't you?”

“Yes, you'll never live if you kill me, all my friends will hunt you down and gut you like a fish.”

“Ah, but you see, I welcome death. The only reason I'm still alive, is because I wanted to find you and finish you off first. If they come after me, which how can they, I'm sure you never told them that you gunned down a beautiful little boy in cold blood. I'm sure you never told them that you know for a fact that I saw your face. You weren't even wearing a hood or anything.”

“You can't kill me.”

“Actually, I can, and I will.” I said happily, he is on the ground, whimpering, trying to slink away from me. 

He reached the coffee table, and I saw him try reaching for something.

“Ah, if that's a gun you're going for, just know this, you shot me three times, you didn't kill me the first time, you better be a hell of a lot better shot the second time. I either kill you nice and fast and painless, or I see how long I can torture you for.” I said far too sweetly. He stayed his hand, half way between where it was and to his goal. Probably wondering if he could get off enough shots first.

Before he could move any further, I rushed forward, grabbed his other leg in both my hands, pulled him so that he could not get his gun, and snapped it like a branch. He let out a pretty loud wail with that.

“Well, now, we can't have you alerting the neighbors, now, can we, so, let's just shut you up, shall we.” I said, and then punched him, hard, breaking his jaw completely with the one hit. I then ripped off both his socks, and stuffed into his broken and battered mouth.

“Ah, that's much better. Now, show me, which hand do you write with?” He shook his head no.

“Ah, you see, that wasn't a yes or no question.” I said, and then completely removed him from the gene pool, by kicking him in the nuts, not that I will not be doing that very soon anyway, but this is just for fun. He blacked out in pain from the incredibly hard nut shot I gave him, but woke back up within just a few minutes.

“Now, what hand do you write with.”

He held up his right hand.

I grabbed his left arm, and proceeded to break it in three places at least. He passed out again.

It took a while, but I managed to wake him back up.

“Now, you're about to write your own suicide note. Point me to pens and paper.” I said sweetly. “Just remember, you've been dealt a lot of pain, I can keep going, can you. As soon as you finish writing, I snap your neck, but if you make me persuade you, then I continue breaking body parts. Your choice.”

I can see the utter fear in his eyes, and it is making me happy, in fact, too happy. I know that I should feel incredibly horrible for what I am doing, I know that what I am doing is bad, and that I will very likely go to jail tomorrow, and probably never get out, but, I am okay with that. This monster killed my baby, he will likely never go to jail for it, even if he is questioned, and he deserves to be punished. He pointed out what I asked for.

“Good boy.” I said and went and found all that I needed.

I placed the pen and papers on the coffee table, then moved him to where it was, but searched for and found the gun first, and threw it away, and then told him to start writing.

“Okay, here's what you're to write. I am a filthy, useless piece of shit murderer, I killed in cold blood a beautiful little boy, and I feel bad for it, and so, I am willingly taking my own life in penance. You are to then sign your name. Got that.” He nodded.

I watched as he wrote every word that I told him to write. His hand was shaking, and I made him rewrite things so that it was legible, and when I was satisfied, I went and grabbed his head, and twisted it harshly, and snapped his neck. I was looking into his eyes, I watched as his light went out, and I was satisfied. I removed the socks from his mouth before leaving, throwing them on the couch.

I shut off all the lights, then exited, and headed home. I dumped my gloves in a dumpster near his house, they were cheap thrift store gloves, which was all I needed, and would be nearly impossible to trace, even if they did find them. Half way home, I did start crying, and I cried all the way there. I went to bed, and cried myself to sleep.

One would think I was crying because of what I had done, but I am not, I am crying because I finally managed to let my baby go tonight. I avenged his murder, I got him his well deserved justice. I do not feel bad for what I did, and if the police do pin it on me, then I will gladly accept it, though I will never admit it, to anyone.

Chapter 2

I was puttering around the house, when the bell rang at around two in the afternoon. I fully expected to find the police there when I opened it, and I was not wrong. Instead of a team of them though, there was only one.

“Good afternoon officer, how can I help you today. Did they finally find my sons killer?” I asked hopefully. “I never actually expected you to come and tell me that you did.”

“Yes, we did find him, this morning, but, I think we both know you found him last night and got to him before we could.”

“I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about Sir.”

“He was found with multiple broken bones, but the one that appears to have killed him, was a broken neck.”

“Are you telling me that the monster who killed my baby is dead? That's the best news you could've given to me. Who did it, I wanna find him and shake his hand.” I said, throwing in tears of joy for effect. Honestly, it is not all acting. They know he is the killer.

“Sir, it can't be helped but to notice, you're rather large, and incredibly strong. We know you're a weight lifter and a martial artist, and the injuries that the man sustained couldn't be done by someone of less powerful build than you.”

“I assure you, I have no idea who he is, or where he could possibly live. Besides, how do you even know it was him, you guys very clearly told me you had no leads whatsoever?”

“He left a note stating that he killed a young boy, and that he was taking his own life in penance.”

“Then what the hell are you talking to me for, it sounds like it was a suicide, though I do appreciate you coming and telling me, like I said, that's the best news I've had in a long time. Are you certain it's the same guy, though, is what I wanna know?”

“Yes, we're sure. We started investigating him a couple weeks ago, from the small amount that we did manage to get from witnesses, and the fact that he's known to us, we did start to suspect him. Now we can only assume we're certain.”

“And yet you never told me. You never asked me to come and look at a picture, it might've jogged my memory. I told you, I have no idea what he looked like, not to mention, if the police couldn't find him, what makes you think I could've.”

“The investigation was nowhere near complete, we wanted to ensure we could get him this time.”

“Ah, so he's well known to you?”

“Yes.”

“I don't wish to be rude, but, are you here to arrest me?”

“Should I be?”

“No, because I have no idea who the guy was, or where he could possibly live, and while I'd love to meet and shake the person's hand who did it, it wasn't me. Do you have any leads on who did it though?”

“You know we do, you know why we're here. Sadly, there's no physical evidence that you were there. If and when we find it, though, the next time, I may haveta arrest you. As it is, I am considering you questioned and cleared. Have a good day Sir.”

“That's it.”

“Officially, I'm supposed to find the killer and bring him to justice. Unofficially, I applaud the efforts of this unnamed individual who took off the streets a ruthless killer who's killed dozens, just in other gangs, and has taken out several innocent bystanders in doing so, killing or injuring many. While what was done was wrong, in the end, it will save many more lives, because the bastard never stays in jail, he always finds a way out.”

“I understand Sir, and thanks for stopping by to tell me that my son has been avenged by some unknown person or persons.”

“You're welcome.”

Well, I honestly did not expect to get to stay free.

I doubt that they will be back. They will not bother to look any further, they do not want to. They are happy that he was ended, but not nearly so much as me. I actually smiled brightly, the first time since the day my baby died.

Not even twenty minutes after the police officer left, my doorbell rang. Puzzled, I went to answer it.

“Elias, what are you doing here, why aren't you in school?”

“Um, summer break, first of all, second, to see you. I saw the police leave, I was watching. I know what you did last night, how do you feel?”

“Oh, I guess it is. I feel great though. My son's killer was killed last night.”

“I'm guessing you had no part in it and have no idea who could've possibly done such a horrible thing?” He grinned.

“Of course.”

“And clearly the police are good with that, since you're still here, and they no longer are.”

“Yes.”

“Good, take me to bed and let's have a celebratory fuck session that lasts no less than four hours, and not more than the rest of our lives.”

“No, not yet Elias. I'm not ready just yet.”

“If you don't become ready soon, you never will be, and then you really will die. I'm hoping to cure both of us at the same time. I know what we both so desperately want and need, and I know you know it as well. We both know fully that what happened to us will never truly leave us, but we do haveta accept what is and what happened, I think you're finally starting to do so, and I can help you the rest of the way.”

“I know what you want, even what I want, but, I'm not ready, not yet. I'm not saying no, just not yet. I still need time.”

“Okay, for now. I want you to meet my social worker with me then. I called and told him I can't stay there any longer, that I need to be moved. He says there's nowhere that'll take me. I told him that I've found a place that might, and he says that if you meet the requirements, then he'll do it. He doesn't really give a damn, just as long as I'm outta his hair, not that he has any, he has as much hair on the top of his head as I do above my dick, and I only have four tiny little hairs so far.”

I actually laughed at that. It hurt.

“Glad I made you laugh.” He giggled.

“Thanks. I needed that, it actually hurt to laugh.”

“I know how you feel, the first few times were hard on me too. But they were all caused by you.”

“I know. When are we supposed to meet this guy?”

“In an hour, he'll be here.”

“Gee, nothing like giving a guy time.”

“As soon as the officer left, and you weren't with him, I rushed back and called him, then came back here.”

“I suppose there's nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?”

“No, and I don't think you really wanna either.”

“Maybe. We can't replace what the other lost, you know that right.”

“No, never, but we can fill the void that was left behind nicely.”

“That void's still pretty large.”

“I know, and I'll help fill it. Same as you'll do for me.”

I had nothing more I could say to that. We went and sat down and talked, until the doorbell rang again. Fuck, I have not had my bell rung that many times in years.

Elias was right, the bald, mousy little man did look like a barely pubertal boys groin, he has so little hair. At that point, why not just take it all off, and call yourself bald, instead of combing the four fucking long hairs over and pretending you still have a full head of hair. It looks ridiculous.

I showed the man in, and we all took seats.

“Elias tells me that you recently lost your son, not all that long before he lost his father, and that you're both in group grievance therapy together. He also tells me that he'd like for you to take him in.”

“That's right.”

“Do you own this home?”

“Yes.”

“And where do you work?”

“I'm a banker.”

“Hmm, can't actually picture you in a suit and tie.” He chuckled.

“I have them in my closet if you'd like to see them.”

“No, no, that's okay. I suppose you just never know. You look more like the kinda guy who'd be wearing leathers than a suit.” He snorted.

“I get that a lot.”

God, what an arrogant prick.

“And have you ever been imprisoned or charged with anything?”

“No.”

And no, I am not telling him that the police just left after questioning me for killing a piece of shit.

He continued to ask me all sorts of other questions, and I answered them, almost all honestly.

“Okay, I think that'll do. Do you want permanent guardianship, or would you like to petition for adoption. Elias is scheduled for adoption, but because of his needs and desires, we both feel that this is not likely to happen.”

“What would it entail to adopt Elias?”

“I just send in the papers, and considering how overloaded the system is with adoptable kids of Elias' age that are going unadopted, the judge's pretty much just been going by our say and pushing them through. Just adopted a kid out to someone a few days ago, it took only three days to go through, and he never even went for a doctors visit or anything. Granted, we have five thousand plus kids in permanent care in this city right now, I myself have three hundred kids, which is fully three times more than I'm supposed to have, we're all overworked, and so are the judges, so, you're good to go. I'll go grab Elias' things from the group home and bring them here, and in a few days, I'm sure I'll be back with the papers.”

“Oh, um, really.” I stuttered.

“Just leave my things there for the next unfortunate kid that gets stuffed into that hell hole. I want none of it.” Elias said happily.

“Okay. You may think it's a hell hole, and from your perspective, it probably is, but to most of the kids there, that place is a haven. I know you did get bullied there, but, I'm betting it was way worse at school than it ever was there.”

“That's true enough.”

“Remember all those kids went through just as bad as you did, many of them lost parents too, but more were abused by them, which is far worse than losing a parent. One of your room mates, in fact, arrived to us with his asshole torn wide open, because his father found out he was gay, and raped the poor boy so bad he nearly died. His mother disowned him for being gay as well. So, trust me, you lost your dad, that's bad, but sometimes not losing them is far worse.”

“I never knew.” Elias gasped.

“Just remember that. There's always a story worse than your own. You were bullied, but you're small and pretty, I'm sure you're used to it by now, but they were far more scared than you ever were, and at that home, they finally felt free.”

“Why aren't they all in counseling, they should've been as well.”

“They all are, at least most of them. You were the only one in group counseling like that, but mostly because most of the others' problems weren't ones one could share in a public forum like that. So, I'll be back in a few days, or as soon as I get the papers all signed.”

He was gone in only a few minutes, my head reeling. I had no idea that I would be adopting another son, ever, but especially not so soon. Honestly, I fully expected to be going to jail, not getting another kid out of the deal.

“Holy shit, I get to live here, this is awesome.”

“I think I'm gonna be sick.” I admitted, and I am not exactly joking.

“Sit down and relax. I know this was too fast for you. I'm sorry, but I didn't wanna make this take too long, then it would've been harder on you. I didn't think you'd adopt me though.”

“Well, when you actually stop and think about it, I never actually said yes or no, I just asked the question, and he kinda just went with it.”

“You don't wanna adopt me then?”

“Well, whether I wanna or not really is neither here nor there, now is it, because it's being done.”

I did sit down, to hopefully make the room stop spinning.

“Fair enough. Sorry, I actually had no idea it'd be done quite that fast. I fully expected it to be days, or even weeks before I'd be allowed to move in. I guess they really are overloaded right now, and are just doing what they haveta in order to get kids into homes.”

“It's okay.” I said after a few moments of trying to stop my had from spinning. “Now, as for sex, and probably sleeping together, no, not yet. I'm sorry, I haveta put my foot down on that, this is already happening too fast for me.”

“That's okay, I understand, and I agree too. Now, I do need diapers, so, I needta go to the medical store to get some. May as well while the government's still paying for them, right.” He grinned.

“Okay, but I'll go with you. I could stand to get more as well. Then, after we get them, we really should go shopping and get you some clothes, I suppose. Is there anything else that you'll need?”

“No, just clothes and shoes, and diapers of course, well, maybe some baby lotion and diaper rash cream. I'm not allowed to get them, that's too expensive apparently.”

“Okay, let's go then. We'll drive.”

“Okay.” Elias shrugged.

We hit the medical store first, and Elias asked how much he was allowed to buy at one time, and they told him one months worth, so that would be three packs, and so he got that. They are at least their better diapers. They are the same ones I get, just in a different size. There really is nothing else that we need from there, until I happen to spot a rack with shirts on it, and when I looked closer at them, I realized that they were diaper shirts. We went and looked, and sure enough, there are ones that would fit even me. Elias and I each grabbed a few, I have no problem paying for them.

We loaded that stuff into the car and headed out. The rest of the stuff that we need we can get from a local mall, and so that was where we headed next. We spent at least two hours there, getting everything that we would be needing, and then headed out. We did make a few other stops, but were back home only shortly after. We got everything in and put away, and then I showed Elias to what will be his bedroom, not my son's, I still have not had the courage to go in there yet. Maybe I should soon.

We both admitted that we really do need to get our diapers changed, and Elias informs me that he does not plan to get redressed, and that he does not want me to either. While I am not certain I am ready to see Elias like that, nor he see me like that, I know that it is what we both want. I had never been a full diaper lover in the past, but I loved seeing my son in diapers, and I have diapered dozens of young boys, who wanted me to really play their daddy, and so I did, and then I diaper fucked them like a naughty daddy should. It was always incredibly hot. Until the shooting though, I had never allowed myself to be diapered, now I am, and I am realizing that I had missed out a great deal.

We each went to our bedrooms and changed our soggy diapers, stripping fully to do so first, and we managed to exit at almost the exact same time. I would be willing to bet that Elias spread on just as much lotion and cream as I had. We had bought the really good and proper baby lotion and diaper rash cream, they smell the best, and I had used both on my son every day of his life. I had hoped to do so for the rest of my life too. Only, well, that was not to be.

We both stopped and stared at each other. I can see that Elias is fully hard inside his diaper within only a few seconds, but, even still, I am not hard. I am a bit chubbier, I think, but not hard.

“Wow, you're fucking hot.” Elias sighed.

“Thanks. So are you.”

“Thanks. My god, you really are hairy all over, aren't you.”

“Yeah. Tried shaving it all off when I was about your age, I was already really hairy by then, and I could cum buckets full too, but it grew back so stupidly fast that I couldn't keep up with it. I was shaving it all off two to three times a week. I just gave up before I even turned thirteen.”

“Wow, and here I've got like four pubes and almost nothing anywhere else. None on my baby balls or in my pits or anything yet.” He laughed.

“Yeah, everyone thought I was eighteen when I was twelve. I shot my first load of cum before I was eleven, I already had nearly a full bush above my dick not long after I turned eleven, and by twelve, like I said, I looked like a man already.”

“God, how much sex did you have when you were my age?”

“Fuck, more than you can possibly imagine. Every pretty little boy who wanted a daddy, I think I had every gay boy in my school, and it only got more so as we got older. Granted, I sure helped a lot of gay boys outta their shells too. Once they experienced being filled as full of cum as I could fill them, they craved it like nothing else. My dad knew what I was up to, and he started calling me a slut by the time I was twelve.”

“Didn't your dad tell you about safe sex?”

“All the time, and he bought me condoms by the university truck load, I didn't use them near as much as I should've, but I often ran out. I did use them most of the time though, but there were a few that we trusted each other, and we were the only ones to really fuck good and raw. One of them was the very first boy I ever diaper fucked. He was a full on diaper lover, and admitted it to me, and asked me to diaper fuck him and piss fuck him. It was so fucking hot. He even unashamedly came down in nothing but his very soggy diaper the next morning and my dad said nothing, until after he left, and then he asked me, and laughed when I told him. Granted, my dad was a dirty kinky fucker too. He was bi, would do anyone, and often had them over as well.”

“God, that's hot. I always wanted to be diaper fucked and piss fucked too, and my daddy loved doing that for me too. I honestly don't even know the first time I started dreaming about it, but I was like five or six. He'd wear diapers for me sometimes even, I loved seeing him in them. He didn't actually like wearing them so much, but he loved doing it for me on occasion, because he knew how much I liked it. He'd always fill me with as much cum and piss as he could though, and if he agreed to be diapered, he wanted my piss too, only, of course, I can't hold it, so he'd haveta make sure I was kept real hard, for a long time, and he'd feed me lotsa liquid to ensure I could pee, 'cause I could hold it, sorta, when I was hard. Can you hold it at all, I'd eventually like to be piss fucked again.”

“My baby never even asked if I'd wear a diaper for him, but had he have asked me, I would've become a full fledged diaper lover for him, in a heartbeat. There was nearly nothing that I would not do for him, and I would've happily stepped in front of the bullet that killed him had I been able to. He did want me to piss fuck him as well when he was ready, he very clearly told me what he wanted and needed, and every time he asked me to suck him, he wanted me to finger his hot little gay baby boy pussy, so's to prepare him, but he still needed so much time to be able to take me. He was so tiny still. As for can I hold my pee, not really, but sorta. I can turn off the valve, so that I'll start holding it, but it leaks, and it causes me some discomfort. I'll happily try it though, and see what it's like, I don't know.”

“I bet your baby boy would've taken time, I have no idea how large your dick is, but if he was as small as you said he was, then yeah, you probably would've split the poor little guy in half, because, given your body size, I bet you have a massive dick. I'd really love for you to piss fuck me, but I won't let you do it if it causes you discomfort.”

“We'll try it at least once, don't worry, because I do wanna try it, and I'll definitely want you to piss fuck me as well. I've never had it done to me, but, I did sorta wanna try it, but I'd never wanted to wear a diaper, so that would've been messy. As for my dick, it's not small, let's just put it that way.”

“Good, and thanks, I'd really like that.”

It is getting close to dinner time, and I am finally starting to get my appetite back, it has been better since I had started taking Elias out to dinner after every group meeting, because then I was actually eating. Probably still not as much as I should be, mind you, but at least eating some. We had bought groceries, something I have not done since before the shooting, so we actually have food in the house to cook, and we go and make dinner together. We hardly talk at all as we do so, but Elias would stay as close to my side as often as possible, and would often just cuddle into me, press the side of his face into me, and even wrap his little arm around me as often as he could. My son was the same, whenever he could, he would just cuddle me, he always said it made him feel safe to be beside me, his big protector.

Clearly Elias feels the same. Hopefully I can protect Elias better than I was able to for my son, though, no, I never felt it was my fault.

I do not mind in the least, and whenever I was able to, I would reach down and hold him too. I loved running my big hand down his small and soft back, not all that much larger than my sons had been, and just as silky soft. Whenever I touch Elias, he lets out a soft sigh. At least twice during the making of dinner, I noticed tears in his eyes, which then caused a few tears to come to mine as well. We both know that this is what we truly need to heal, or at least as much as we possibly can.

After dinner was all cleaned up from, we headed to the living room and pretty much just sat back and watched TV for the evening.

Neither of us were in need of a diaper change when it came time for bed, and I wished Elias a good sleep. He came and gave me a really big and tight hug, and I hugged him back as well. We did head to our own bedrooms, and I went to sleep quickly. The dreams still came, though they have muted a lot. Therapy had helped some, but knowing that my baby is avenged has helped more.

I do not know when, I never even woke up, which is strange for me, but Elias ended up cuddled into me at some point in time throughout the night. I do not mind. He is almost fully draped over me, probably the only parts of him actually touching the bed are his right foot and hand, otherwise it feels as if he is very nearly fully laying on top of me. I cannot tell you how often I woke up with my baby just laying right on me, hell, some mornings he was actually curled right up on my stomach, but then, he really was so tiny, but the last time he had been able to fit like that, he had been five.

I cupped Elias' cute, soggy little baby bum, and he is nice and soggy, with my left hand, since that is the one almost pinned under him, and then with my other, I reached up and held him lovingly, and started tickling his tiny little back gently. I do not know when he woke up, I was too preoccupied with feeling this, I know I have tears streaking down, I cannot tell you how often I found my baby boy the same way, and I always held him the same way too. I truly did miss it.

Clearly Elias did as well, because, when I noticed that he too was awake, I could feel tears splashing down onto my chest, soaking all the hair in that area, but that does not bother me. Neither of us said a thing though, we just kept on holding each other, Elias softly stroking my hairy chest as he lay there.

We must have laid like that for a good half an hour before our stomachs started growling, alerting us to the fact that it is time to get up. I have ignored that feeling for some time now, but now I do want to get up and eat. I guess that is a good thing.

Elias pushed himself up a bit, not enough to loosen my grip on him though, and looked to me. I can still see the tears in his eyes, I am certain he can see mine as well, and he smiled so warmly to me, that it caused me to smile too, something that I have scarcely done for much too long. My baby was forever making me smile, without him, I had felt I never would again, but Elias is making me do so, and it does feel good.

“Good morning Baby, when did you come in here?” I asked.

“Not too sure, I woke up to a dream again, and decided to come cuddle you, and it helped. I got back to sleep right away, and didn't dream any more.”

“My dreams were surprisingly light as well, so, thanks, I guess.”

“You're welcome. I guess we should get up and get breakfast, huh.”

“Yeah, and I think your soggy baby diaper will hold for a while yet. You're good and full, but you've still got a bit of room before you haveta change.”

“Good, I prefer my baby diapers being good and soggy before I change them. Do we haveta go out and do anything today?”

“Nothing that I'm aware of.”

“Good, then maybe I'll show you what I sometimes liked to do.”

“What?”

“Poke a bunch of holes in this soggy diaper, and put a fresh one over top of it, and go double thick. It's really quite nice.”

“It sounds like it, maybe I'll do the same then.”

“I'd like that.” He smiled brightly, I smiled softly back.

“May as well just go ahead and do so now then.” I said, since we were by the bedrooms anyway.

“Okay.”

I found us both something that we could use to poke lots of small little holes in our already soggy diapers, and then we headed to our own bedrooms to do what we both wanted to do, and I really do. I have never done anything like this before, but it does sound quite hot. I had had a few flings who liked diapers use diaper doublers before, after an especially filling night, but never double diapered like we are about to do. Then I wondered how it would feel to be double diapered and have a doubler inside that as well. Well, now I think we need to get some diaper doublers too.

It took only a few minutes, and we both met in the kitchen within seconds of each other. We made and ate breakfast, Elias staying cuddled into my side almost the entire time. Then we went and watched TV, and, once more, Elias stayed glued to my side. After lunch, we decided that our diapers were still good, for now, but they are getting gloriously full now, and that we should do something. Elias asked me to show him my workout room.

My workout room is in the basement of our large house. Almost half the basement was dedicated to this, the other half my play room, its door is closed, and I have not been in there for longer than I have this half the basement. I started us on a good warm up, and then I started teaching Elias some basic martial arts, and then to some more intense working. He was tired and sweating long before we were done. 

Elias wanted me to do for him what I had told the group that I had done for my son, pretend that he was bench pressing me. I was reluctant to do this, I knew that it was going to bring back powerful memories, but Elias wanted me to do so, and I do too, even though I know that it is going to hurt. I was crying within seconds, and Elias let me, for several seconds, but then reached up and kissed me as I was coming down. It was no chaste kiss either.

It had not been with my son for the past few months either.

Elias kissed me deeply and powerfully, and then I pushed away. When I lowered myself, I kissed him this time, just as deeply, just as powerfully. Our tongues danced like long lost lovers. I pushed back up, he tried to follow, and then I went back down, and he reached up and kissed me this time again.

We did this for well over ten minutes, and I know that Elias' arms are starting to really hurt, because he is pushing a lot less now, and when he does, I can feel them shaking. His scrawny little arms have never done anything like this. He is still so small. I do have to admit, I am finally nearing hard in my super soggy diaper though. Still not fully so, but much more so than I ever thought I would be again.

“Wow, no wonder your son loved doing that so much, love and exercise all at the same time. You finally stopped crying, that's good.”

“Yeah, he truly did love it, and I miss doing that for him, but it was almost as nice doing it for you as well.” I said softly.

“Thanks. I know that was hard on you, it was hard on me too, I never thought I'd get to kiss another like I did my loving daddy again, and it almost hurt to kiss you like I did for him. It almost felt a little like I was betraying him, but a voice in my head said that I had to move on and learn to love again, that my daddy is no longer with me. I think it was him telling me that he approves.”

“I felt and heard all the same things. Sometimes it's like I hear my baby, telling me that I haveta move on. I hope that they're both happy, and that they both do agree.”

“I think they would. I think I'm done now though, my arms are starting to feel like jelly.”

“Okay Baby, then let's go do something else.”

“You told me you had a play room, a naughty play room, am I to assume that's what's behind that door?”

“Yes.”

“Can we go check it out please?”

“I suppose so.”

“When did your son first get to see it?”

“The first time I showed him, or the first time he snuck in and grabbed a toy of his own?”

“Ah, he was a naughty gay baby boy was he.” Elias giggled.

“Yeah. Shortly after he caught me fucking and or getting fucked for the first time, he caught me in the play room with a friend, and I know he was standing there watching as well. He had his hand down the front of his soggy diaper, mauling his little cocklett like crazy. I was in the process of diaper fucking a hot little eighteen year old twink at the time, I even had a dildo in his ass, and a very large butt plug in mine. When I noticed that he was there, I became even more vocal, telling that hot little stud to take my big man cock and that big dildo up his hot little gay baby diapered pussy, like the good gay baby boy slut he was. My son came, and had it not been for the fact that so did the baby I was fucking at the same time, he would have heard it, but I did, and it was hot.

“He was already in kindergarten by then, and one evening as I was playing, I happened to notice that I was missing a butt plug and a dildo, I had everything very well sorted, so, the next morning, after my baby went to school, I went and searched his bedroom. The funny thing is, he really didn't do all that much to hide them. He had also taken a tube of lube, and he was going through them at a rate of about one tube every two to three weeks. I never said anything to him about his obviously bruised and puffy little Pampered pussy every night when I diapered him, and every morning when I removed his soggy diaper and got him cleaned up and ready for the day. He still preferred me to fully dress him.

“I'm not sure he knew that anyone would be able to tell, maybe he did and just did not care. A little after he turned six, he traded out the little toys he had originally taken, and took the next size up. Still nowhere near large enough so that he could take me, but I knew what he was doing. He clearly knew what he was doing too. Even still, almost every time I had a boy over, he was there to watch, be it in my bedroom or in here, he was standing outside the door watching. The funny thing is, he never paid any attention to the fact that I always positioned myself so that I could see him through either mirror. I truly loved watching him as I was with all those boys and young men. And yes, I both gave and received, I am fully gay and love getting fucked just as much as I love fucking. I love cum so much, and I'll slurp up every drop I can, or take as much in my ass as I can.”

“Wow, that's hot, and now I'm totally hard.” Elias giggled.

“Yeah, I can tell, even though it only just barely shows through your super thick, super soggy baby diaper.”

“I can see that you're at least a little hard too.”

“Yeah, finally. I started getting hard during our kissing, and telling you all this brought me to about the same hardness, which still isn't fully hard, it'll take a little time for that I think, but I'm far more so than I ever thought I would be again.”

“You're welcome.” He smiled brightly to me.

“Yeah.” I snorted.

We looked through the entire play room, and Elias loved all the toys that I have. I have many different dildos, almost all of them vibrating, I have several different butt plugs, all of them vibrating, pretty near every size of vibrating cock ring, lots of anal beads, and even a few fairly tame accessories for bondage. Not much for bondage though, was never into that so much myself, but a few boys had enjoyed feeling just a little helpless. 

I also have nothing in the way of pain or torture, I am of the firm belief that sex should make you feel amazing, and that pain has no business being in it. I know, many others really are into that sort of thing, and they claim that if done right, that it can add a whole other realm of pleasure. I just do not see it. If someone really wants to be tortured by me, then I do so in my own way. I fuck them long, hard, and full, I will fuck them with my dick and a dildo, I will make them cum as many times as they possibly can, and then make them cum twice more after that. Now, that is my idea of a good torture session.

I explained all this to Elias, and just as I finished, so did he, and he came quite hard, slumping to the floor as he did so. It took fully five minutes for him to come down and come too again, and when he did, he slipped his hand in the front of his diaper, worked for just a second, and I saw just the tiniest amount of still fairly clear cum on his fingers. It did not last long though, because he slipped his fingers into his mouth and slurped off all his tasty treat. Well fuck, I think I finally went full on hard with that. A beautiful baby boy, eating his own still nearly clear cum load. That is so fucking hot.

“Mmm, I taste so fucking good. If you're a good gay baby boy, maybe soon you'll get to taste it yourself too. I can't help but notice that you've probably gone fully hard now, you're pushing a hell of a lump in the front of your super thick, super soggy baby diaper now.” Elias very sexily said to me.

“Oh fuck, I think I did, that was amongst the hottest things I've ever seen before. How long have you been cumming, you still look so young, and it was still almost clear?”

“My daddy got to lick off my very first cum load not even a week before he died. It was super thin and clear then, now it's getting thicker and whiter, but it's still just as sweet as my first one was, only now it's getting a bit stronger flavoured as well.”

“Mmm, can't wait.”

“Me neither. I loved drinking down my daddy's cum loads, and I can't wait to taste yours too.”

“Yeah, my baby boy loved my cum too, and though he was much too young to cum, it never stopped me from dreaming of the day I would taste his as well. That's not gonna happen now, but maybe in a day or so, I'll happily taste yours.”

By now we are done our tour, and our diapers are starting to get too full, so we head upstairs to the bedrooms, so that we can change our diapers. Elias asked if I would change him, and if he could change me, but I politely refused, saying I am not ready yet. I really wanted to, truly I did, but, at the same time, I know that I am not ready for what will happen if we do. So, as such, we head to our own bedrooms and change ourselves. We are both in only a single diaper this time as we exit our bedrooms, and both in only our nice thick diapers.

Elias just wanted to kick back and play games on the games system that I had for my son, and I let him, whereas I grabbed my computer, and sat on the couch with him, and started surfing the net. I know that Elias is a full on gay baby boy diaper lover, and well, I am starting to see that I am too now, and so, I decided to hit diaper lover websites, and find all sorts of cool and kinky things. I even bought several things for both of us, including: lots of diaper doublers, some really babyish diaper shirts and baby pajamas in our sizes, several types of diapers, a few of which are either incredibly babyish and or super thick, some really nice and thick pre-made and fitted cloth diapers, with matching super thick waterproof baby pants for them, and even some bottles and soothers. It will take a few days to get, but that is okay, we have lots of diapers already, so I am not worried.

The ringing of the phone startled me, I cannot honestly tell you the last time I received a phone call. I looked to the call display and saw that it was the bank that I worked at. I went to the kitchen to take the call, so as not to disturb Elias.

When I answered, I found my boss, we got through the pleasantries, and then he got down to the reason for calling. He asked me when I planned to come back to work, and I admitted that I am not ready yet, that it is still going to take time. He told me that he needs me back, now, and that if I am not back to work on Monday, that he would have no choice but to fire me. I asked him if that was a threat, and he said that it was not, that he has a business to run, and cannot have his people off for no reason.

Of course, I was absolutely enraged by this, but calmly asked how he could come to any sort of conclusion that it was without reason that I am off. He said that I am fine to work now, and I said, yeah, physically, but I lost my son that day too, and that has completely blown me apart mentally. He said that is not his problem, and that clearly I was not wishing to come back, and so I was being fired. I said fine, my lawyer will be calling you, I am suing you, personally, for unfair treatment of an employee. He laughed and said it would never go anywhere.

As soon as I hung up, I called one of the few people I can call a friend, he is a lawyer, as luck would have it, and explained to him what had just happened. All he said was, 'oh, really', and I told him that I wanted to sue him big time, enough that I can retire big time. He agreed and said he would take care of everything.

Now, I do not know how it is in other countries, but in Canada, there are laws protecting people from that sort of behavior, and I was ruled by the doctors to not go back to work until I was fully mentally ready. They know that to go too soon would be detrimental to my mental health, and I had already told my boss this, and given him the papers that they had given to me. I have not yet been cleared by my doctors to go back to work, so he went fully against medical authority by demanding that I come back to work, which is punishable, and I will ensure that he pays, and pays dearly. I have always hated the arrogant, snotty, little, stuck up prick. He is a tiny little thing I would never even dare call a man, and he enjoyed making me look bad, because I am so big. Only, no one ever saw it the way he did.

I went back to the living room, and when Elias looked and saw me, he must have seen how angry I am, because he paused his game and asked me what was wrong, so I explained it to him. He swore, called the guy a low life asshole, and asked me how much I wanted to wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze until his head popped like a pimple, because he sure did. Well, I cannot disagree. We continued what we were doing before we were interrupted, and then had dinner when the time was right.

The next day we actually did not much, and much like what we did the day before. The following day, the social worker stopped by, thankfully he called first, so we were dressed and presentable, and told us that the adoption proceedings have been completed, and that I am now listed as Elias' father. He said that he would now likely never see us again, and wished us a good life. We thanked him, Elias cried, and then he was gone. As soon as he was gone, Elias jumped into my arms and gave me a not so father and son kiss.

“Please take me to your bedroom and suck me so much I pass out?” He whispered to me after letting go the kiss.

“Only on one condition.” I said softly.

“What.”

“That you suck me that much as well.”

“Deal.”

I carried Elias all the way upstairs and to my bedroom, probably our bedroom now, and laid him down in the centre of the bed. I stripped him back down to just his soggy diaper, and then lowered the front of it, exposing his pride and joy. I would say that he is close to ten centimeters long, and somewhere around five to six around. His foreskin is long and puckered at the end, even though he is incredibly hard, he is still fully enshrouded, which tells me that he might grow lots more in the near future.

Treating him like the best tasting Popsicle on the planet, I proceeded to lick him everywhere. I got all over his shaft, his hot little baby balls that are descending nicely, and I even pulled his foreskin down as much as I could before he hissed, and then dug my tongue inside and tortured his little dick head. I also nibbled very lightly with my lips his balls and foreskin, and he would whimper and moan so sexily as I did so. 

When finally I sucked in Elias' entire package, fully ten minutes had to have passed, I spent so much time licking and nibbling everything that I could. As I engulfed him though, Elias had had enough, and exploded. He squirted two insanely tasty little shots of his sweet nearly clear cum onto my hungrily lapping tongue, and I savored it like it was the finest of wines. His taste is phenomenal, out of this world, easily the finest tasting cum I have ever tasted, and I have tasted some wonderful cum in my time.

Well, Elias asked that I suck him until he passes out, and though I do not want for him to pass out, because I am finally so fucking hard it hurts, and I really truly need and deserve my turn as well, I do not plan to stop any time soon. I will try and make Elias cum at least four times, something I am certain that he can still do easily.

Elias' second orgasm came with only one meager shot of his superb cum, but he pulsed and shook even more than he did for his first. 

Still I did not stop, and continued to suck Elias as best I knew how, I have his balls inside my mouth, and I am very tenderly torturing them with my tongue, as I suck his rock hard erection, doing everything in my power to make this far better than he could possibly imagine.

Sadly, Elias' third orgasm was a baby boygasm, dry. That did not mean I loved doing it any less, I just really wanted to taste more of his amazing cum. 

Still I did not stop, not until Elias came for his fourth time, and he actually started going soft in my mouth before he even finished cumming. I held him in my mouth, though, until he came down fully, and just very tenderly played with him with my tongue. He tastes absolutely wonderful, and I admit, I never wish to let him go. I know I must though.

As soon as I hear Elias moan deeply as he comes down, I let go and look up. I see the look of utter contentment in his eyes, the soft smile on his lips, and how he is glowing, and I know that I had done well. I crawled up, pressed my lips to my baby's, and kissed him like a lover. He kissed me back, wrapping his arms around me as he did so, pulling me to him tightly.

Elias wrapped his legs around me, pulled himself tight to my body, and then moved his head in such a way that I knew he wanted me to roll over, and so I did, until Elias was on top of me. This did manage to trap his legs, but I lifted up enough so that he could unwrap himself from me, and as soon as he did, he wasted no time in detaching from our kiss, and then diving down to my diaper and very nearly ripping it off.

As soon as my diaper was out of the way, and the full glory of my erection came into sight, Elias muttered, 'fuck me, that thing's huge.' I laughed. No, I am not exactly small, yet I am not the largest that I have ever met, or had for that matter. Granted, the largest was only a little bit larger than me. I am blessed with roughly twenty centimeters of length, and damn near fourteen around the widest part, though I do taper toward the tip some. I have no foreskin to hide my large knob of a bright purple head, and though I am incredibly hairy, I actually have none on my shaft, and shockingly little on my balls. I have met guys who were very nearly hairless elsewhere, yet had for more hair on their groin than I do. I guess all my hair just grows elsewhere.

Elias also started out just by licking and nibbling, and his tongue and lips feel astounding. He is already an incredibly accomplished oral artist. His daddy must have taught him well. Granted, it sounds like he has been learning for a while. My baby was already starting to get good, but nowhere near how good Elias is. Elias must have licked me for well over ten minutes as well, and I am oozing copious amounts of precum, that he is happily lapping up whenever he can. When Elias tried to suck me in, he found that his little mouth just would not stretch that far, and his little throat would just not open up enough. He tried, and I let him, but no matter how hard he tried, he just could not take me all in. It was a hell of a stretch for his lips just to get around my head, yet he tried so hard to take more.

What he is doing to my dick head with his amazing tongue, though, is intense, to say the least. I was already getting so close to spontaneously cumming as I was sucking Elias, and then had to force myself for at least the last three or four minutes of his tongue assault to not cum, so, as such, I am nearly bursting, and cannot hold on.

I have not cum once since the morning that my son died, I used to cum three to four times, two to three times a day, and apparently I had built up one hell of a stockpile, because I actually watched Elias' eyes nearly pop out he took so much. I heard him gulp no less than three times as he happily and greedily sucked down every precious drop that I could possibly feed to him. 

I have no idea how much cum I pumped out, but it felt like a lot, especially for me, since I am not a huge shooter, normally, at least all at once. I can go for four or even five cums, and produce a decent quantity each time, and still do that two to three, or sometimes even four times in a day, but it is normally a much smaller quantity at each cum. With that being said though, I think my balls are currently half way down my shaft I am in so much pain from that one cum.

I know full well that I blacked out for several moments right when the pain became too much, and when I came to, I still felt in as much pain and pleasure, and when I looked, I find that Elias is still trying to suck all my massive to him girth. I know that soon he will be able to take me, I know that he will happily work at it, no matter the discomfort, until he can take me. I hope he does not hurt himself, but I am allowing him to work at his own pace.

Cum number two was damn near as powerful and copious as the first one, and this time I think I blacked out for even longer than the first time, because by the time I came to, I am reasonably certain that I am already ninety percent of the way to my next orgasm. I am burning up though.

Cum number three was the worst of them all. I came less, but with much more force, and I am pretty sure that my nuts did actually eject out the tip of my dick, then Elias just pushed them back in. I blacked out again, and when I came to, I am still in Elias' mouth, but he is no longer sucking, and it feels as if I am soft now. He is just very gently suckling on me.

“Holy fuck.” I whispered hoarsely.

“Wow, you came lots, you damn near drowned me.” Elias sighed deeply when he pulled off me. “Then again, you peed as you were out the last time here, and nearly drowned me again, but you taste really fucking good. Your cum and piss.”

“Wow. That was possibly the best and worst blowjob I've ever had in my entire life. You did things to me, my god, I've never felt so good and bad, all at the same time. It was wonderful Baby.”

“Thanks, glad you liked it.”

“Oh yeah, and I'd say sorry for pissing in your mouth, but it sounds as if you're not bothered by it. Your cum tastes absolutely divine though, by the way.”

“No worries, I loved it, and I'm glad you liked mine as well.”

“Mmmhmm, I definitely loved it. Don't be expecting loads that large though from here on out, I think it's just because I haven't cum in so long.” I said, and then told him what my more normal output is.

“That's okay. Well, I don't know about you, but I need a baby diaper now. I actually haveta go peepee, and I doubt I can hold it much longer.”

“Then, I think this is only fair.” I said, and then flipped Elias over, attached myself to his little spigot, and he got the hint.

It took at most five seconds for him to start peeing, and his flavour is every bit as nice as my sons had been. I have gotten into watersports with a number of guys in the past, it is just good clean fun. Most of them I had not enjoyed drinking, but there had been a few that did taste really good. Elias sighed deeply when he finished.

“Oh, you're naughty.” He giggled.

“Thanks, but fair is fair, right.”

“Mmmhmm.” He sighed deeply. “But I still want a nice thick thirsty tape on baby diaper please.”

“And a nice thick thirsty tape on baby diaper you shall have too.”

I slipped out of bed and grabbed all that we would be needing, only, I grabbed two of each of our nice thick diapers, and Elias grinned brightly at what I was thinking. I poked the holes in both our inner diapers, and then diapered Elias up, adding plenty of diaper rash cream and baby lotion of course. He then taped me up into my double thick and thirsty baby diaper, giving me every bit as much lotion and cream as well.

“Mmmm, a gay baby boy diaper lover sure could get used to this, huh.” Elias sighed.

“Mmmhmm.” I sighed back.

It had been a little more than an hour after lunch when we had come upstairs for our celebratory suck fest, and now it is nearly two and a half hours later, which might partially explain why I am so hungry all of a sudden. I mean, I know we had sex, but only sucking, that usually does not wear me out nearly as much, but then, I did pour out probably five thousand calories in cum, even though I have no idea if there are calories in cum. If that were the case though, Elias would not be hungry, but he claims to be famished as well.

We decide to go make an early dinner, and sit down to eat when it is done.

We did not suck each other at bedtime. Not only are we both still well and truly satisfied from this afternoon still, but we are so wonderfully and thickly diapered, so there is no point in removing them.

We did suck each other again though the next morning when we decided that it was time for super soggy baby bum changes, and we only came twice each. This time it was a much more tame session, my output was far closer to normal, and I did get two tasty treats from my baby as well, though his second was understandably much smaller than his first.

When we diapered each other, it was into just one of our nice thick baby diapers, and we dressed each other, so that we could go out. We need to get supplies again, because I usually shop every few days and get smaller and fresher amounts of things. Just after we had breakfast, and just before we were going to leave for the day, the doorbell rang, so I went and answered it, and found a courier. I signed for the packages, there are several, and left them in the living room. I damn near said to hell with going out, I really want to open them all, but if we do, then we will ruin the perfectly good diapers that we are already wearing, and we will not go out and get the things that we need.

Of course Elias asked what was in all the packages, but I told him that it is a surprise, and that he will get to help me open them all when we get home. He gave me a pout, but when I would not move, he shrugged, grinned, and grabbed my hand and led me from the house. We took the car. For some strange reason, going out for a walk lately just has not felt like a good idea. I know that it is normally perfectly safe, but you try and get that thought out of your head. I just cannot.

We were gone not even a full hour by the time we made it back home, we got everything that we would need in record time. Elias had no idea why I was rushing so much, though he asked. I said it is a surprise, and to hurry up. He grinned several times as he would purposely try and drag his feet, but I would just pick him up and throw him over my shoulders, and carry him like a sack of potatoes. In fact, I have felt sacks of potatoes that are heavier than he is.

I damn near said to hell with putting the groceries away, but we have fresh produce that really should get put in the fridge, so we did that before we headed to the living room.

I have no idea what is in each and every box, so I split the pile in half, and pointed Elias to his half, and then we each took care of opening it all. Elias was actually speechless the entire time, something that I can honestly say that I have never witnessed from him. He usually has lots to say. He said nothing, though, until we were finished opening and unpacking all the boxes to see what all I had gotten. All I know is I spent damn near a thousand dollars on everything, but I had not truly paid attention to all that I had gotten until now. It is a lot.

“Wow, would you look at all this, this is amazing.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“I'm getting close enough to needing a soggy baby bum change, wanna change each other now?”

“Oh yeah.” I said.

I grabbed one each of our newest and thickest diapers, and these ones are really quite babyish, and two of the shockingly thick diaper doublers to go in them, they say you can double up the doublers, well, I sure intend to. I also grabbed the most babyish of our new diaper shirts, and set them aside. I then grabbed the lotion, cream, and wipes, and then encouraged Elias to go ahead and lay down.

Without too much of a surprise, Elias was stone hard when I opened up his soggy diaper. I made sure that he was soft before I diapered him up, of course, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I left him hard during a diaper change. Well, not a very good one, that is for damned sure. By the time that I had Elias into his triple thick diaper and his amazingly cute baby diaper shirt, he was beyond just mere sexy. My god, a beacon in the night to gay diaper lovers everywhere.

As soon as I had Elias finished up, I laid down, and allowed him to change me as well. He had to make sure that I was good and soft as well, oh darn, and it felt so wonderful. The triple thick diaper and the gloriously soft and thick diaper shirt were damn near as good though.

“Wanna go ensure our baby bladders are well flushed Baby?”

“Mmmhmm. I'm thinking apple juice in our baby bottles, and at least a pot of green tea each.”

“We're on the same page there then. Let's go Baby.”

We went and got everything ready, and before the tea was even done, we were already half way through our second apple juice bottles. I admit, I had never thought of this before, well, for myself anyway, but be damned if I did not enjoy it as well. Elias says that he loved it. We each had a full pot of tea, we made two, each drank half, and then made another, and each drank half of it again. I think that will flush our bladders out real well, and cause us to peepee our baby diapers lots and lots. That is good.

By the time it was time to go to bed, we were still nowhere near full, in fact, we can barely tell that we are wet yet, other than the glorious weight of our super soggy baby diapers. I gave us both the squeeze test, and we are good, of course, Elias had to do the same, just to make sure you see. We curled up in bed together, kissed and cuddled for a bit, before falling into a peaceful slumber. I can honestly say that this is the first night in so long that I did not have a nightmare. The night before I had still had one, but only one, and even it had been manageable, but tonight I never had even one, and I thought I would have them for life.

Chapter 3

When we woke up, we kissed and cuddled for a while, before getting up. Our baby diapers are now even more soggy than they had been the night before, yet, we are still not close to leaking. It was damn near lunch time again when we felt that we had to change. Only our diaper shirts were holding them on now, they are so heavy. Damn near twenty four hours though, impressive, to say the least. Amazing to be honest.

It was a few days later that we triple diapered each other again, and same thing, we lasted for pretty near twenty four hours before we were leaking. It was awesome. We suck each other at least once per day, but we kiss and cuddle a lot. We have skipped a few group sessions, but we have still managed to go to a few too, but we are both finding that being together really is helping us far more than anything. Even my personal therapist is saying that I am well on the way to being cured. Even he looked at me shrewdly when I said that my sons killer had killed himself, I guess I sounded just a touch too happy, but hey, who would not be, right.

After our group meeting last night, though, both Elias and I decided that we were not going to go to any more. We both know that people will start to wonder about things if they see us together, and see how happy we are around each other. We both know that they will talk. We do not want that, and besides, we really are about as healed as can be. I even told my shrink that I was going to cancel from now on, and would call if I felt I needed him, that I am about as cured as I will ever be now. Of course he did not want me to do so, but hey, he removed me from suicide watch and mandatory therapy, and I really do not care to pay for it any more, since, like I said, I am as cured as I could ever hope to be.

We are in just one of our super thick baby diapers today, and wearing a pair of really cute baby jammies, mostly just kicking back and relaxing. We just finished lunch, when the phone rang, I checked to see who it is calling, and saw my friend the lawyers number, so answered. We talked for only a few minutes, I had excused myself to the kitchen, and when we finished, I went and found Elias to tell him the news.

“That was my friend, the lawyer who is taking care of my wrongful dismissal suit.”

“Oh, what'd he haveta say?”

“The bank manager has been suspended pending investigation, almost every one of my co-workers there told how he was to and about me and said how disgusted they were by what he had done, and many had threatened to quit if he wasn't fired. They'd already gone to the head office with this complaint before my friend even called them, and he was already in the process of being investigated. He says that my job will still be there when I am ready for it, the head office already reversed that ruling, and told me to take all the time I need after having such a horrific thing happen, and that my job will always be there for me. Apparently they have never had one complaint against me by customers or co-workers alike, and the only things negative in my file are from my old boss, and even they claim to see right through it, since all their reports always said otherwise.

“Of course, just firing him isn't enough, my friend even says so, and he's still going after the little sleazeball for everything he can. He's seeking five hundred thousand dollars, or ten years behind bars for mental abuse. Honestly, I don't give a damn about the money, I really don't need any, I'd be so happy to see the small, petty, bitter, little man behind bars. I think that's where he needs to be to learn a little humility. And he is so small, not even one and a half meters tall I bet, probably not even fifty kilos, and he looks absolutely bitchy all the time. I bet he never worked out a day in his life, but I was super threatening to him, because I'm so big. He hated me above all others. Funny, considering I never would've dreamed of hurting him, and even as much as I knew he hated me, I never hated him. Well, until he said he didn't give a damn about my son dying, that his business was of far more importance, I'm sorry, that's just a line you can't cross with me. I do hate him now.”

“I don't blame you, and I doubt any would, and they're stupid if they do.” Elias said firmly.

“Thanks. So, yeah, he should know more in a day or so, once he goes and talks to the guys lawyer. The funny thing is, they know each other well, and he says the guy's a good guy as well. Which means he's likely as gay as we are, and more than likely they enjoy a few flings every now and then.”

“Good.”

Three days later, I was called in to an informal meeting between the lawyers and us two clients, to hammer out a deal. I did take Elias with me, though I had asked him if he just wanted to stay home, but he said he wanted to see me nail this piece of shit to the wall. We had had to go and buy Elias some nice clothes for this, though, so we did, and I wore one of my suits. Elias thought I looked really good in my business suit. He looks really good in his.

We got through all the pleasantries and got to know each other, when my old bosses lawyer started off.

“So, you're claiming wrongful dismissal, and that you're suing my client for either five hundred thousand dollars, or ten years in prison. He says that it was not wrongful, and that your client was fully ready to return to work, and that he was just milking it now.”

“Ah, except one minor problem. Your client was given a letter by my clients doctors, saying that he was not yet mentally fit to return to work, and that it may take months more before he could. He did suffer a rather large trauma, he is suffering from PTSD, and they knew that if they put him back to work so soon, that it would be detrimental to not only his health, but to anyone around him as well. Your client was never given a letter stating that my client was capable of returning to work, so, therefore, it was wrongful dismissal. That's just the legalities of it. So far I haven't even mentioned the fact that your client blatantly told mine that he did not care that his son was horribly murdered, that his son dying in his arms mattered none to him, and that his business that he has to run is of far more importance.”

“Oh, really. This is something I was never told.” He said rather sharply, turning to his client.

“I never said any such thing.” He said.

“Oh, then what did you say?” My lawyer asked.

“Yes, I too am interested in hearing this.” His lawyer said.

“You keep your nose out of it, you're here to defend me, and if you don't, you don't get paid.”

“I don't get paid, I take everything you have, it's really quite simple.” He shrugged. “Now, answer the question.”

“I told him very clearly that he was needed at work, that I would be forced to replace him if he was not back to work.”

“Which is illegal, he had a doctors note.”

“That, I'm afraid to say, has yet to be proven.” He said smugly.

“Ah, but you see, it can. A copy of it was sent to your head office, so that it was in his file as well. You see, my client has never trusted you, you have hated him ever since you started in his branch. Before you started, not one complaint was ever made to or about my client, in fact, every report he ever had was glowing. Then you started, and you kept putting in knit picking little snide comments into his file. Your head office already sent in an investigator, a couple years ago, to look into this, and found that there was no wrongdoing on my clients part, and guess what, they were only waiting for you to cross the line, or for my client to finally complain. He has now formally complained, hence the reason you were suspended without pay, and they are doing a full investigation to figure out just what they have to do.

“Now, here too is a stack of notarized affidavits from virtually every one of my clients' co-workers, stating how enjoyable my client was to work with, how you treated him, even in front of them, and almost every one of them were aghast at what you did, and swore that if you were not fired, that they were going to quit. Virtually every person in that entire bank sent in a letter of complaint about you, because of your actions. Again, this is why you were suspended.”

“I was fully within my rights to make those complaints, he uses his size to intimidate people.”

“Ah, but here's the thing, no one in that bank ever felt intimidated, except you.”

“Why aren't you defending me, do your damn job.” He turned to his lawyer and snapped. “Why are you staring at me like that.”

“You're a monster. You're a small, petty, bitter, little man, you suffer from small dog complex, you're a tiny little piece of shit, and so, you find the biggest dog you can, and terrorize him, to make yourself feel good. You're a monster, and from this moment on, I do not work for you. I'm putting in a formal complaint as well, no lawyer will work with you, because you lied to me, right to my face, you lied to me. Good luck in jail, I hope you're there for a long time.”

“You can't do that, you're fired, you useless piece of shit.”

“Sorry, can't fire me, and from where I sit, you are the useless piece of shit. Let's go guys, this is clearly going nowhere.”

We all stood and turned our backs on him, and he was screaming and yelling impotently as we walked out.

“Well, that went well.” I laughed.

“Actually, it went very well. Of course, everything was recorded, so that too will be part of the evidence against him. Lying in there is damn near as bad as lying directly to a judge. He will be going to jail, but I'm still seeking monetary compensation as well. So, now we go to court. Our case date is the day after tomorrow, but it might get pushed back, considering the piece of shit no longer has a lawyer.”

“Who cares. I'm free of him, he matters none to me at all.”

“Good.”

We did go to court on time, my old boss decided to represent himself, and well, you know what they say about that, and he proved himself a fool, over and over again. The judge slammed him for lying not less than five times, and my lawyer was always happy to show him proof as to how he knew that he was lying as well. In the end, I was awarded two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, he was given five years prison time, and I am very happy with the outcome. Like I said before, I do not give a damn about the money in the least, I have more than enough already, but, I will add this to all my stocks and do what I can with it.

I am a banker, I do not specifically work in investments, but I am fully trained, and I do fairly well at it if I do say so myself, so I have always played my own money hard. I had always had an account for my son too, which I had done incredibly well with as well. Of course, that money was put into my account, but I am now going to move it back into a new account for Elias. It was a week later that I received the money, and I distributed it amongst all my accounts.

The past couple weeks had actually gone very well, if I have to say, far better than I ever dreamed a day could go again, that is for damned sure, and all because of Elias. He makes me complete again. I do still miss my baby so much, how could I not, and I do still suffer from witnessing such a horrific scene, there are no doubts there, but I am healing as well. 

Elias and I do release a couple loads every day still, sometimes we just rub and stroke through our soggy diapers, sometimes we suck each other. I just love drinking down Elias' sweet baby milk, and he loves my much stronger flavoured one. We have still not moved past that yet, and while we have kneaded each others soggy baby diapered bums, lots, as we suck each other, we have not yet ventured inside them and done anything to each others hot gay baby diapered bum holes. Elias assures me that he can and will take me, and I am sure he can and will, but will it be painless is what I want to know. He says that I am considerably larger than his dad had been, and he claims that he was the largest that had ever invaded him before, so I am not sure how he is so sure of it, but he says he can.

While I know that neither of us can wait to do so, we have not yet truly broached the subject of making sweet tender gay baby diapered love to each other. Sure, we have talked about it, said what we want and need, admitted that we really want to make love through our diapers, we have not actually decided when to start. I am letting Elias tell me when he is ready, and in a way, I hope he takes a little longer still. I am damn near ready, but not quite yet. With that being said, though, when Elias says he is ready, I know that I will be too.

This mornings workout was a good one again, Elias is damn near dead tired, but I have been steadily pushing him a little further every day, to ensure that he is tired. It is starting to show though how much he is working out, because he is no longer quite as skinny as he used to be, he is starting to show some really nice muscle definition. He is still small, there is no denying that, but he is becoming even more stunning with a little muscle on him. He loves it damn near as much as I do when we do a bench press and pushup together, and on my every down, he lifts up and kisses me quite tenderly. I still make him push, and I push down on him, and I honestly think that this is the method in which he has gotten the most exercise.

I have also started teaching Elias lots about martial arts, and he is taking to that very well. He is a quick little bugger, far faster than me, and he is rather flexible, so that helps too. Granted, for such a big guy, I am fast and flexible too, he is just more so. Then again, he is small and wiry, so that helps. I will always have the upper hand in raw power, but he has speed.

Elias has now been with me damn near two months, and so, school is going to be starting very soon again. I bring it up after our workout as we are eating breakfast.

“School starts in just over a week, what do we need to get to get you ready to go back?”

“Nothing, I don't wanna go back. I'm tired of the teasing and bullying.”

“You're not old enough to quit school yet though, and as your newly appointed father, I can get in trouble if I don't send you.”

“I know, but I think I'd really rather just do homeschooling.”

“I suppose we could look into it.”

“Are you ever gonna go back to work?”

“No, I really don't have the heart to go there any more. I really don't have a need to go there any more either, to tell you the truth. I could quite safely retire right now, I have more than enough saved.”

“Then we can spend pretty much every day together.”

“That'd be nice. If you do that, and I don't go back to work, then what would you think about moving?”

“Where to, and why?”

“Not sure, but I think out into the country somewhere maybe. This house is starting to have too many bad memories. I still haven't been able to go into my sons bedroom, then both my dad and grandpa died here, it's where they wanted to be. I don't blame them, I'd wanna go at home too, surrounded by my loved ones, and I know that this place really is mine by birth, but it's also feeling depressing too.”

“Oh, so you grew up in this house too.”

“Yeah, thought I told you that.”

“Well, you did, but I just thought you meant that you spent so much time here.”

“No, we all lived together. My dad couldn't afford a place here, way too expensive, and grandpa was all alone, so it made sense. Grandpa watched me during the day when my dad worked, and we all loved living together. It was nice. Grandpa was always working on the house, and I helped him a lot too, I should be doing lots more, and I used to, but I just don't wanna any more.”

“Oh, okay. Why haven't you gone into your sons bedroom yet, you really should've by now. You know he's gone, and there's nothing that you can do about it. You really do need to do it. If you want, I can go with you, or you can do it alone, but I think maybe today is the day you should do it.”

“Haven't been brave enough yet, maybe not strong enough, not sure. I know I needta, but if I do it, I think I'd like you there with me.”

“Okay, right after breakfast then.”

We finished eating and cleaning up, and then we did head upstairs to my sons bedroom. The door had been closed, when I got home, it had been open, but I just closed my eyes, reached in and closed it, I had not been able to face that yet. I reached out with shaking hands, grabbed the handle, and opened the door. Tears were already spilling down before I even stepped foot in his bedroom.

Elias grabbed hold of my hand, but did not lead me into the bedroom, he let me take the time I needed, and when I entered, so did he. My sons change table is still sitting there with lots and lots of diapers on it, ready for a soggy baby bum change that will never again happen. His bed is still unmade, because he almost never made it, and there are still a few of his toys on the floor, because he never cleaned up after himself. His favorite stuffed animal is still on his pillow, and the clothes that had had worn the day before he was killed are still on the floor.

Sure, we had started sharing sex together, but he still had and used his own bedroom, just rarely for sleeping. 

I picked up his stuffed tiger, it looks like Hobbes from the Calvin and Hobbes comics, and smelled it. It still smells like him. I sat down on the bed, and felt the familiar crinkle of his protective sheet, because he still had a tendency to leak a time or two a month. I grabbed up his pillow and pressed it to my face, and sniffed it, losing myself in his scent that is still impregnated in it. The tears have not stopped.

Elias stayed by my side at all times, saying nothing, doing nothing other than keeping his hand on me at all times, letting me know that he is there for me.

I opened his end table drawer and found the dildo and butt plug that he had pilfered from me in there, as well as a mostly used, and rather large tube of lube. Up until we had started playing together, I know that he had used them nearly nightly. After we started playing together, he would happily use them while I used mine, watching each other, kissing each other, rubbing each others hot hard dicks as we did so.

His room is bright and airy, he had chosen a pale purple to paint it when he was five years old and he asked to change it from the nursery colours and styling that I had painted it when he was a baby. The floors are solid oak flooring, and are still in really good condition, his large closet is stuffed full of clothes, because he had been such a beautiful boy, I had always kept lots of very nice clothes for him, and he loved that. His school uniforms are still hanging in the closet, he had gone to a private school, because I could afford to send him, and he was so bright that they could give him the schooling that he deserved. I always thought he looked stunning in his uniform. His toy box, which is actually a dresser that is three times larger than his clothes dresser, is stuffed full of all sorts of toys, including a few dolls and other assorted girls toys that he liked, but he also had a lot of boys toys too.

I touched everything, I looked at everything, I opened every cupboard and drawer, and found every secret my son was hiding, not that I did not know them already anyway. He had a couple magazines hidden away with pictures of boys in diapers, where and how he found them, I have no idea, so he was a full on gay baby boy diaper lover. I admit, I had suspected it, but he had never said so. I always happily diapered him up and he happily allowed me. I also found a couple soothers and a baby bottle, ones I used to use on him when he was a baby, so he still was. I even found a smelly used diaper under his bed that had a hole in it right where his hot little baby bum hole would be, and signs that his dildo had passed through it repeatedly, so he wanted to be diaper fucked too.

It took me a solid two hours to go through everything, I smelled lots to try and retain his scent, I cradled things a lot to try and feel close to him again, and I just felt all that I should be feeling. I had not stopped crying the entire time, but I know that this is what I need, and that it is good for me to finally be doing this, and even letting go. Finally I grasped Elias' hand, and led him from the room.

“Thanks for being there with me Baby.”

“You're welcome. I wish I had've had someone to be there with me when I hadta go through my dads stuff. The social worker stayed in the living room, and kept calling up to me to hurry up, that he didn't have all day. There wasn't much that I could take to remember him by though. I took the photo albums, and a couple other things, but that's really it. One of these days, we really needta go through each others photos together as well, and let us learn who our other families are.”

“Yeah, just not today. Today's already been hard enough as it is.”

“I know. You do look more at peace though, so you did finally say goodbye. I know, I felt better when I did too.”

“Yeah, was amongst the hardest things I've ever done.”

“I know how you feel. So, how do you feel that your baby boy was a kinky little gay baby boy diaper lover?”

“Apparently the apple didn't fall far from the tree.” I chuckled.

“No kidding. Do you at least have pictures of him in just his soggy diapers, especially as a cute little seven year old?”

“Yeah, sure do. All digital of course.”

“Good, can't wait to see them.”

“Yeah, but another day. I haven't looked at them yet myself.”

“No, definitely another day. So, if you wanna sell and move, when should we do that?”

“No clue. We should also figure out how to go about getting you signed up for homeschooling.”

“Okay. Well, we both need super soggy baby bum changes, and then we should get dressed and go out so that we can do that today.”

“Okay.”

We changed each other on our bed, and while Elias was hard, I was not in the mood to play, and when he changed me, I was not even in slightest bit hard. This morning had been hard on me, and Elias was understanding and never said a thing about it. He does understand though, so that is good. We dressed each other, putting on diaper shirts to hide our baby diapers, and then headed out.

Our first stop was to the school district office, and they directed us to the proper place, and that amazingly took very little time and effort to set up. They suggested that Elias have his own notebook computer for doing his schoolwork, since it's mostly done via computer now anyway, so that was where we went next. After getting Elias all set up with a good computer, we headed to a real estate office, and just looked at some of the properties that they had available. We found a few that we liked, but one in particular was perfect.

It is acreage up in the mountains, still has all the needed utilities though, including internet, is only a little more than an hour from the city, and ten minutes to a smaller city or large town. The house is a small three bedroom rancher style with wrap around porch, but it has an indoor pool with hot tub, and it seems like it is reasonably clean and nice. There is a fairly decent sized greenhouse, and huge gardens, as well as a small barn and a workshop. The is a two car garage as well that is connected to the house, so that is nice. There are only a few neighbors, but the closest one is a little bit more than a kilometer away, so that is perfect. The asking price on the property is a little over a million dollars, but they have had it on the market for almost a year, so I am certain that they will be willing to deal a bit. Considering my house will sell for no less than one and a half million, we will not have to worry, but I am putting a starting price of two million on it, because they will level the house and put a huge tower in its place anyway, so they can afford it.

We decided to go and talk to the Realtor on duty, and put in an offer right away on that one, because we both like the looks of it most of all. I do not need to see it, I do not care, if there are any real issues, we can fix them. Of course, I am still subjecting it pending full inspection, just to be sure, but I am certain that it will not be a problem. We were told that there are already two independent inspection reports on file, and so we look them over, and other than a few minor issues that every house has, there is nothing of any real concern. I put in an offer of eight hundred thousand, and told the Realtor that I would pay not a penny more than eight fifty.

By the time we made it home, after doing a little shopping, we had a call, saying to come back, that it was countered at eight twenty five, and that if we wanted it, they wanted to close as soon as possible to avoid bankruptcy, so we headed there again, and signed everything, and I wrote the cheque. Of course, it hurts writing a cheque for that much, but at least I have it, and more, and I know that I will be replacing it fairly quickly.

Now all we have to do is go back home and clean our place and make it ready to sell. Really, the only thing I am going to do is dismantle the play room downstairs, the rest, who cares.

Pretty much as soon as we got home, we did dismantle and box up the entire play room, though we did keep a few prime toys in our bedroom, and then the next day I called the same Realtor, and had him list our place.

It was sold three days later, sight unseen, by a large developer in my area, at a whopping two point two million, it went into a bidding war between three of them, since my property was so sought after. They are trying to revitalize my area, and because I can almost see the ocean, once they put a tower in, anything above three floors will actually have a nice view, hence the reason it sold so fast and so high.

Now we have to move, but, because I simply have no desire to do so, I am hiring this out. We did pack up all our things that we did not want them to see, and only a week after selling, we were moving. I doubt my house will still be standing in a week. I am certain it will take them time to draw everything up and get the permits, but still, why wait right.

I had called my banks head office, and told them that though I do very much appreciate their offer of keeping my position open for me, and accepting me back at any time, that I have decided that I cannot stay, and that I have decided to move. The manager for my district was understandably upset by this news, but said he did understand my reasoning for doing so, and that he could not blame me in the least, and told me to have as good a life as I could, considering what I had gone through. I did go into my bank though and say goodbye to everyone there, telling them that I would not be back, that I have to move, there were a lot of tears and hugs and well wishes, it was hard, I had really come to like almost every person there.

I admit, I broke down into tears as we pulled away for the final time, but it is good for us both. Other than a few of my sons' precious possessions, that I had packed away myself, we had taken most of his things to a local charity place and donated it all. Elias kept a few of his toys, but mostly just his large Lego collection, some of which had been both mine and my dads. It had been hard doing that, but easier than I had thought it might be too. We also donated a lot of furniture and whatnot, since we are moving from a huge three story, eight bedroom manor to a small three bedroom rancher, so we do not have nearly the space any more for all that we have. 

The drive to our new home, though, was nice. We talked lots and lots, made some decisions on things, and before we knew it, we were there. It really is quite nice. The entire area looks to be fully fenced, so that is good, the house and the out buildings all appear to be in really good condition, and I am very pleased with the amount of space that we now have. We have a little more than fifty acres.

“Wow, would you look at this place, and it's so quiet here. I admit, I wonder if I'll sleep, I've always lived in the city, where you hear so much all the time, it's never quiet.” Elias admitted.

“You know, I'm the same, so I wonder if I'll sleep either, because you're right, it's very quiet here.” I had to laugh.

I never wondered about anything of the sort before. I think it will be good for us though.

“I suppose we'll just haveta ensure that we're very tired before we go to bed then, huh.” Elias grinned mischievously.

“Yeah.” I snorted.

“So, when will the movers get here then?”

“They should be here any moment, really. We left at much the same time, but, of course, with us being in a car, we can move up those long hills faster than they can. Granted, it really was not that large a truck, but still, they wouldn't have been able to go nearly as fast.”

And no sooner had I said that, when they appeared at the end of the drive. A few minutes later, they were there and got started. We would have to go in and tell them which rooms were which, so that they could move everything to their correct homes, but that is pretty easy. It actually feels weird to be moving to a house so small. The entire house is about the same size as just one of the levels of our old house. With that being said, though, there is still plenty of space. I suppose I just got used to living in such a large house, but then, I have lived there my entire life as well. Like I said before, my grandpa bought the old dilapidated manor house from the city years and years ago, and had done a lot of work to fix it up. It had never officially been completed, but it certainly was a far cry better than it had been when he got it.

The movers took a few more hours to offload and set up everything before leaving us to our new house. As they worked, to stay out of their way, Elias and I toured our property and checked everything out.

The pool is shockingly nice, in what looks just like one of the greenhouses for growing vegetables, so, at one time, I am suspecting that this was just your standard outdoor pool, that they had covered, but it is perfect for what we need. There is a covered breezeway from the house, which is also nice. We found the pools utility room on the side of the house closest to where the pool is, in an insulated and heatable shed. That will at least ensure that the pool is okay, even in the winter time.

The barn is surprisingly large and well cared for, reasonably clean, but there is nothing in there other than some stalls. Upstairs in the hay loft, it too is clean and pretty near empty.

The greenhouse is larger than the one covering our pool, and in there are a lot of growing benches, with hundreds of dirt filled pots lining them, as well as hundreds of dirt filled pots hanging from the roof. There are no actual plants growing in there though, which is a shame. It is mid summer now, and I really know nothing about gardening, I grew up in the middle of a city, so I have no idea what will happen if we plant stuff right now.

The workshop is nice and large, almost twice the size of our two car garage, and is empty other than one decent sized work bench on the far wall. It is nice and light and bright in there though, due to many windows and good quality lights, so that is good. When I was in high school, I loved the woodworking courses, so maybe I will have to get myself a few tools and start doing that. I have not touched a tool since then, though, so I really have no idea what I am doing. My grandpa had been the handy one, and that gene really had not passed to me.

By the time we were finished our thorough tour of our property, the guys unloading all our things were done, and heading out. We headed into the house to check it all out, and, for the most part, they had done pretty much everything for us. There are still a few things that we have to take care of, including bringing in the few things that we had brought in our own vehicle, namely all the sex toys, diapers, and other assorted things that we did not necessarily want them to see.

We were getting pretty hungry, though, so we did take the time to make and eat lunch. 

After lunch, we deemed it necessary to go for soggy baby bum changes, and after our change, with no playing, we skipped getting dressed, and went and did our work in just our thick thirsty baby diapers. By the time dinner time rolled around, we were done, and I have to admit, I like the place. It is small and cozy, yet it is large and bright too. There is not so much space as I am used to, nowhere near the amount of rooms that I used to have available to me, yet the rooms that there are, are quite large, in fact, the bedrooms are damn near double the size of the ones in our old house. The house is also very simple and unadorned, the walls are soft colours and simple white trim. It is like whomever built and or decorated the house, saw all the natural beauty around them and decided to allow that to show instead of putting any into the house.

I am used to a large manor house, which had been built in a city, it had originally been done to be large and grand, lots of exquisite detail all around, because it needed some beauty in the city. My grandpa had enhanced some of it, yet muted much of it, so that it was not quite so posh, yet it was still very elegant as well. It really will be a shame to see the place torn down, but, honestly, it is really not worth saving any more. There had simply been too much for me to do, with too little knowledge of that sort of thing, so I had not necessarily done all the work to it that I could or should have.

We made dinner side by side as we seem to do, then sat and ate, talking softly as we did so, enjoying the company. When dinner was done, and we finished cleaning up, Elias took my hand.

“Take me to our bedroom, I think it's time we made sweet gay baby diaper love to each other, and see if we can't heal that last little bit that we each still need.”

“Are you sure Baby, as in absolutely positively certain, I don't wanna hurt you, but I'm afraid I won't have the power to stop once we start?” I asked softly.

“We both know I'm no virgin, and while my daddy was nowhere near as large as you are, I have taken that much before. Sure, it's been a while, we're obviously gonna haveta prepare me well, but I want and need it every bit as much as you do, and if either of us will lack the power to stop, I doubt seriously that it'll be you. I'm fairly certain that once we start, that you will be filling me, no matter how much you protest.”

“You're probably right.” I had to admit, because I know that Elias is very much accustomed to being made love to, and I have been told just how much he can take, so I know my girth will slip in him, just not how far. I will not likely be able to slip all in him, I might just pop out his mouth if I managed to.

“Good, now that that's taken care of, take me to bed and make gay baby diaper love to me.”

“I was hoping to be able to fill you up good and proper the first time though.”

“I know, and I want the same, but that's okay. You had lots to drink at dinner, so I'm certain that you're gonna fill me up no matter what anyway, and I did too, so I'll probably fill you up some as well. We'll make due, so no worries there.”

Elias said nothing further, just reached out his hand to me, and I took it and let him lead me to our bedroom.

Elias crawled onto the bed, laid in the centre on his back, spread his legs, and told me to come and make him the happiest little gay baby boy on the planet.

I grabbed the lube, and crawled onto the bed as well. I pressed my face into his already slightly soggy diaper, and inhaled deeply his wondrous scent, feeling his hot little erection buried beneath. I continued to sniff and nuzzle him for quite some time. Not only do I love doing this myself, but hearing how Elias likes it makes it that much better, because he always whimpers and moans and sighs so erotically as I do so.

After only a few minutes of this, I poked a hole in the seat of Elias' slightly soggy baby diaper, leading right to his hot little gay baby bum hole, and slipped a lube coated finger inside, and started tickling his hot little bum hole. Elias sighed very deeply with this.

After only a minute of tickling, Elias was more than loose enough to slip in my index finger, and so I did so. Just as I was doing that though, I pulled down the front of his diaper, and exposed his hot hard little erection to my hungry mouth, and started licking, nipping, and sucking everything that I had just let free.

Elias could hold on for no more than a minute, before exploding and feeding me his amazingly sweet gay baby boy cum. Just as he came, I slipped a second finger inside him, and even in the throes of his amazing orgasm, he sighed even deeper still. I know that his dad had routinely four finger fucked him, so this should be nothing for him, but, he had told me that his dads hands had been much smaller than mine, so I am thinking that three of my fingers will probably equal four of his dads. The problem though, three fingers will just barely prepare him to take me.

After Elias' second cum, I slipped in a third finger, and he grunted slightly, and then moaned deeply, then whimpered out the words, 'Mmmm, yeah, that's what a gay baby boy needs.' Well, I guess he is doing okay.

I brought Elias right to the cusp of yet another orgasm, but then stopped. When I pulled away, Elias looked to me in both confusion and panic. He was worried that I could not do it and had stopped. That could not be further from the truth though. I had only decided that he was about as ready as I could get him.

I got up onto my knees, poked a hole in the front of my just as soggy diaper, and pulled out my massive dick. It actually hurt to push it through the front like that, but Elias groaned from witnessing it. The look of panic left, and the look of pure hunger replaced it instead.

“Are you ready Baby?” I whispered softly.

“More ready than anyone could be for anything.” He whispered back, only his was very husky sounding.

I got into position, and started slipping inside my baby, and as my head slipped inside him, Elias sighed deeply. The sigh said so much, but his deep moan as I pushed in said even more. I only got about half way inside my baby, before I was stopped in my tracks, and Elias grunted. I knew that was as far as I was going to get, and so, I reversed direction, and slipped almost all the way back out again.

I made slow, tender, passionate love to my baby. I only wish that we could kiss as I am doing so, but Elias is simply too small for me to do so. We are looking right into each others eyes, though, as we make love, and that is enough.

I am beyond hot, Elias had been already close to cumming, so I am not at all shocked when he suddenly explodes, and then causes me to do the same deep inside him. I can feel my stupendous load squelching around inside his incredibly tight little bum as I continue to slowly make love to him, some of it leaking out past my dick, and soaking into his diaper. Although I had not stopped thrusting, even through my mind bending orgasm, I had slowed right down as well, trying to keep my concentration, so that I did not accidentally slam all in and kill my poor baby. About ten seconds after I came, and was starting to come down some, I did feel the urge to pee, and so, I let it go, and filled Elias with what little I had available to me.

Elias moaned deeply from this, even though, at best, I gave him maybe twenty or so millilitres, but it was enough, and now, I am truly piss fucking him, something that we both so desperately wanted and needed.

This time we do both last at least ten minutes, before cumming again, and still, I do not stop, and just keep gently making love to my baby. I know that by doing so, I am ensuring that I am not made love to tonight, but that is okay, I truly want every drop of cum that Elias has available to fill me up. I know, though, that with as much as he has already cum, that he is very likely empty now anyway, and so, I will not get to be filled. 

That is okay, because I want to fill him as fully as I can tonight, and tomorrow morning it will be my turn. Just after coming down, again, I spill just a tiny bit more pee inside my baby, making him even sloppier than he had been. If it were not for his diaper catching the majority of my output, Elias would be making one hell of a mess all over our bed, not that we care in the least.

For easily fifteen more minutes I made tender love to my baby, before cumming once again, which, sadly empties me, and before I am ready, I am already shrinking down. That did not stop me from attempting to continue thrusting inside my baby, though, but eventually I slipped from his amazing little gay baby bum.

“Wow, that was utterly amazing.” Elias sighed. “You're so big, and you filled me so full, my god, I've never felt better in my entire life, and I really loved my daddy. I love you so much.”

“I love you that much and more, Baby, but you were so incredibly tight still, I can't believe you even enjoyed that.”

“Oh, but I did, so much more than I can possibly say.”

“I know, I heard, and I saw it in your eyes too.”

“And I heard it from you and saw in your eyes just how good it felt for you too. Now, plug my gay baby boy pussy, and then diaper me up good and thick. I'll have to make sweet gay baby love to you in the morning, because I think we're both pretty much done for.”

“Oh, it felt so much better than that. Yeah, I'm done, but tomorrow morning it'll be your turn, and it'll be just as amazing. I can't wait to feel you filling me up.”

“Me neither.”

I grabbed a butt plug and slipped it into Elias, and then poked a bunch more holes in his soggy diaper, and slipped a second one over top of it. Elias just grinned at me. We both know that he cannot make love to me through our diapers anyway, he is simply not large enough yet to do so, so diapering him up good and thick will not matter any at all.

As soon as I was done, Elias repaid the favour to me, including slipping a butt plug into me, and double diapering me too. Once we were properly diapered for the night, we curled up and watched TV in bed until we were ready to go to sleep, which was not late at all, since we had used up a lot of energy.

After a blissful dreamless sleep, cuddled up to my baby, I awoke to the feeling of Elias nuzzling my diapered erection with his nose, and sniffing me deeply. This is not the first time I have awaken like this, and I pray to anyone or anything listening that it is not the last either. A guy could certainly get used to that sort of thing.

“Morning Baby.” I whisper to him.

“Good morning Baby. I'm super hard, and I haveta go pee something fierce. I woke up super hard, and I could feel that I hadta pee, so I needed to wake you up, because I know you want it all.”

“Mmmm, sounds good Baby. How do you want me?”

“I want you on your back, so that I can look into your eyes as I make love to you, but that means that I'm gonna haveta pull your diaper pretty much off in order to do so, but we'll leave it under you, so that you don't make a mess all over the bed. I'm gonna leave my super soggy baby diaper on, just push it down underneath my baby balls, so that I can at least make baby diaper love to you too. Just wish I was big enough to make love to you through one or both of them, but I'm not, yet.”

“No, you're not, yet, but you will be soon, you're already getting to be a pretty decent size, especially for your age and size.”

“I know.”

Elias wasted no more time in talking, and released the tapes holding both my soggy diapers on, then pulled them down. I opened my legs to give him all the access he needed, and he left them underneath me. He then got up on his knees, pushed his double diaper down in the front, locked them underneath his baby balls, lubed himself up, and then reached for my butt plug and gently slipped it out of me.

I know that he is in some discomfort, he is not at all used to being able to feel his bladder, so he probably feels really full. I had hoped that Elias would at least start with some foreplay though, but he is in urgent need, I can clearly see that. Maybe I will have to have him make love to me again this afternoon, and make him do some foreplay for at least an hour or two. Now, that sounds pleasurable.

Then again, Elias slipping his hot hard gay baby bone deep inside me as he is currently doing, is most certainly pleasurable, he may not yet be very large, but he does have a good piece of baby boy meat, and he sure seems to know how to use it. Then again, he has been using it for years already, so clearly his father had taught him well.

“Mmm, Baby, you feel very nice inside me.”

“And you feel so good wrapped around me. God, I missed this damn near as much as I missed being made love to. I've always felt better with a dick inside me, but I always loved making love to my daddy as well.”

“Know how you feel Baby, now, make love to me.”

And so he did. Elias pulled out nearly as far as he possibly could, I could feel just the very tip of his erection still inside me, and then slipped all back in. He was only on his fourth insertion into me, when he had all that he could take, and exploded inside me, feeding me all the cum he possibly could. He still does not squirt much, but what little he gave me, I took happily and greedily. Then he started peeing inside me, and it was too much for me, it felt so good, I exploded, and painted both our faces, chests, and stomachs.

“Holy fuck, that was massive.” Elias groaned.

“Wow, that feels so utterly amazing. Had I known how good that was gonna feel, I would've worn diapers when I was your age and begged all my friends to piss fuck me like a gay baby boy slut deserves.”

“Mmmhmm.” He sighed, but I think most of it was from the fact that even though he was still making slow love to me, he had also scooped up a good couple fingers full of my massive eruption, and was currently in the process of licking it off.

I reached up and scooped up as much of my cum from his face as I could, and then fed it to him. He scooped up more off my face, and fed it to me, and we proceeded to do so, until we were both clean. All the while, Elias never stopped slowly thrusting into me, he would go in as far as he possibly could, then grind his hips sexily, and then pull out. Mmmm, yeah, his daddy taught him exceptionally well.

I can feel myself leaking out slightly into my diapers underneath me, but not too bad. Elias had peed more inside me than I had in him the night before, but not much more, that is for damned sure. I am feeling so amazingly good, though, that it just cannot be described. I can feel the hole in my heart finally being filled in that last little bit that it so desperately needed.

I know that I will never stop missing my beautiful baby boy, but, with Elias filling me up with all his love, I can now manage. I admit, I can feel tears streaking down my cheeks, I am so happy, I feel so good, so much more so than I ever thought would be possible again.

Through three more glorious orgasms, Elias made sweet tender gay baby diaper love to me. He gave me every drop of cum he could possibly give to me, as well as a few more small squirts of his baby pee, and I was in heaven. I hope my baby is somewhere great, hopefully looking down on me, smiling because I have finally let him be at peace. Because I am at peace.

When Elias finished up, and slipped from me, I pulled him to me, pressed our lips together, and kissed him like he truly deserves, like I need. I passed into him all the love I possess, and he passed to me all the love he too possesses, and we shared it.

For easily fifteen minutes we kissed, before finally breaking our kiss and whispering to each other how much we love each other. Finally we changed each others pretty near ruined diapers, we went with our regular diapers, with a diaper doubler in them, and a whole bunch of holes poked in our diapers, and then an even thicker, thirstier diaper over top of all that, with a doubler inside that one too for good measure. We taped them on super good, using more packing tape than was strictly needed, as well we had lotioned and creamed each other every bit as much, and then got up and headed to the kitchen, holding hands the entire way there.

From that day forth, we were healed, we both still missed our loved ones, but we have each other, and that is all that matters. Pain, misery, and loss, they shape us, they make us who we are sometimes, and when you learn to deal with that, you learn that life can still be great. Of course, it is even better to have someone special there to help you through it all. 

Have I ever felt guilty for taking out my baby's killer, no. You could not make me, even if you tried. Elias and I never talk about that either, we both know that that is one topic that truly does need to be buried, so that is good. Would I do it again if I had to. In a heartbeat. Harm someone I love more than life itself, and find out.

We still live in our beautiful home in the middle of nowhere, we grow vegetables, we have some animals, we sell some of what we produce, but we do not truly care about the money in the least. When Elias turned nineteen, he got a shock, though, when a lawyer called him and told him that his trust fund is now released to him. It seems his dad had ensured that he would be well taken care of, and he added a lot to the money that I had already made for him, and had given to him as well. We are still together and as happy as can be after all these years, we love each other a great deal, and we still love our diapers damn near as much, making gay baby diaper love to each other at least once per week.

Elias, and therefore me too, was very happy with how much his dick grew as he got older. He is still not a big man, but he did grow nearly as tall as me, just very trim, and still nearly hairless, and his erection now measures out at a nice meaty nearly seventeen centimeters long, and we truly make gay baby diaper love to each other. Our first time, just before he turned fourteen when he had a decent in diaper growth spurt, was amazing, it has gotten more so. 

And we lived as happily ever after as we could possibly do.

****Well, there you have it, possibly one of the saddest starting stories that I have ever made. I do truly hope that you cried as much as I did as I wrote it, for if you did, then I did a good job. Sadly, in life, we must all face a loss of a loved one, but no one should have to bury their child. Far too many children just in my family alone have had to be said goodbye to, and I know that I am not alone in this, our children are our most valuable treasures, and far too often they are killed, sometimes senselessly, sometimes by accident, and sometimes by sickness. No matter how, though, it is always a tragic loss. Well, as always, should you wish to contact me, please feel free to do so at erich5748 at ymail.com. I would love to hear your comments on this or any of my other many stories. I think I am over 75 stories strong now, which I never imagined when I started that I would write anywhere near this much. Also, remember that this site is a free service, but does require our donations to help keep it free. I do what I can, I hope that you do too. Thanks for reading, have a good day.****


End file.
